Renewed Mocha Mom

9 and 10 month update

2012-01-11T00:50:00.011-05:00

Since Ethan is now 11 months (wow) I think its time to reflect on his 9th and 10th months. We are seeing more of his personality every day. He can be quite demanding and very emotional. He will bang the tray table of his high chair when he wants more food. He is determined to have things his way and when he doesn't a little fit will ensue. Usually I just look at him with my "have you lost your mind face" and he stops. This is probably more because he thinks my screwed up face is funny rather than intimidating. He understands that no is not something good because whenever we say it he starts to cry. After a few seconds he’s over it and on to the next thing. He is also super sweet. He loves to give kisses and l like when he lays his head on my shoulder, I’m guessing that’s his version of a {{hug}}.
He recently offered to share his pacifier with me which I thought was huge because he has shone some signs of selfishness with his toys. His two front bottom and top teeth are fully exposed and yes he has bitten me a few times. Needless to say it is definitely time to start weaning. My goal is to nurse for one year and I am merely a few weeks away. It feels good to accomplish something I set out to do. Ethan's sleep routine is still horrible. He doesn't go down until around 10pm which makes it difficult for me to prepare for work the next day. We try and wear him out so he will fall asleep early but he is so full of energy our plan hardly ever works. Often we will put him in his crib and just let him whine until he passes out. He loves music, it seems to soothe him so I’ll probably start playing soft music in his room to help lull him to sleep. We are trying to socialize him through playgroups like Gymboree and My Gym. There are no children his age on our block so we will have to depend on outside sources of socialization for him.

At 9 months he began standing with little effort and even took a few steps. When he reached 10 months he actually walked. He started out by walking the few steps from one side of his playpen to the other. Whenever he was outside of the playpen he would only walk if he had something to hold which probably provided him with security as he took those tentative steps.

Now he walks all over the entire house. Over this weekend we allowed him to walk around the mall. People could not believe how he was so small and able to walk. He was so proud of himself and smiled the entire time.

He loves to eat, even if he has just had a meal. If he sees one of us with food he has to have it. The majority of the food we give him are organic fruits and vegetables. We give him chicken (also organic) from time to time and oatmeal for breakfast. We still make his food and now that he has teeth we are introducing bigger chunks into his meals. Soon we will be able to stop pureeing all together.

He rarely says Mama and Dada anymore. He does however do a good amount of babbling. He recently started mimicking my husband when he says “uh oh”. We are trying to teach him body parts like eye, ears, etc. So far he just stares and smiles. Once I said nose and he grabbed the nose of his toy dog. It was probably a fluke but you know I gotta have hope that all this training is making a difference. I’m also working to teach him how to stack blocks. He refuses to stack but has no problem knocking them down. Even if he is on the other side of the room, if I've stacked blocks he will walk over and swipe at them until they fall then walk off. He learned how to do peek-a-boo. I was shocked how quickly he picked it up. I would do it from time to time and use a blanket or whatever fabric I had near me. I would bring it up over my face and say peek-a-boo then bring it back down. One day I was playing the game and he took the blanket and held it up then dropped it down. I said peek-a-boo and he did it again. I was so proud of my little boy.

There have been little things here and there that show me each day he is growing. He raises his arms when he wants to be picked up. When you put on a his shirt he pushes his arms through the sleeves. And he is becoming more of an independent eater using his snack trap for puffs and a sippy cup for water. When he knows he’s into something he shouldn’t he will ignore us when we call his name. We know he understands us because he’ll have a little smirk on his face as he blatantly disobeys us.

All in all E is an awesome baby and I'm excited to see what toddler hood brings.

Cloth Diapers Revisited

2011-12-07T21:42:00.035-05:00

My last blog on cloth diapers was a little flat and didn't really provide useful information so hopefully this one will be more helpful to those interested in cloth diapers.

I am not an expert on cloth diapers but I can certainly point you in the direction of resources with expert info and those who were and continue to be very helpful in our cloth diaper journey.

Lets start with mommy vloggers on YouTube which is where I was first introduced to cloth diapers. If you are remotely interested in cloth diapers I suggest you check out these channels:

Thebubblelush

ObbsandLala

The Cloth Diaper Channel

Information Mommy

Then there is the aspect of buying cloth diapers. Where do you go? If you have a cloth diaper boutique or store that sells cloth diapers in your area then you are fortunate. You have the opportunity to touch and handle the diapers before purchasing. If you are like me and don't have any in your neighborhood you have to depend on the internet to do your shopping. It can be annoying but oh what fun it is to receive fluffy mail. Here are a few online retailers that I use:

Diaperjunction.com
Cottonbabies.com
NickisDiapers.com
Kellyscloset.com

How much does it cost? Diapers can be very expensive. It's what almost turned me off however there are ways to purchase diapers without breaking the bank. The name brands can run anywhere from $20 to $30 dollars each from what I've seen. There are brands like Doopsy, Kawaii, Imagine and Econobum that are more affordable just to name a few. Now most people think with lower cost you sacrifice quality. In this case I don't agree. You have to find what works for your family. For example I'm not a fan of minky diapers (fur on outside). For some reason the texture freaks me out. Also I'm okay with the fabric on the outside of the diaper being a little rough as long as the inside, which actually touches the baby, is soft. There are those that want high quality materials on both the inside and outside of the diaper. So there may be a cheap diaper that has all the qualities you are looking for but it takes some trial and error. It's like finding that perfect pair of jeans. You know the one that has the perfect wash and length and hugs your curves the right way, accentuates the positive and hides the negative. Its like that! So before committing to cloth diapering I suggest doing a trial run with many different types and styles. All of our diapers are one size which means they fit from birth to potty training. So far we have invested around $400.00 and that is because I have developed somewhat of an addiction :).
A number of cd retailers offer a "love em or leave em" program where you pay one rate for a number of diapers and get to try them out for a specific amount of time. If you don't like them simply return the diapers and most times you get your money back minus a small restocking fee.

Another option is to buy used. Yep, at first I felt a little weird about it but don't be afraid to buy used, irregular or seconds. Check the "gently used" or "seconds" section of the cloth diaper websites. They come to you washed and you of course will wash and prep the diapers before putting them on your baby. You can also purchase used diapers from Ebay, Craigslist as well as the websites noted above. BabyCenter.com and Facebook have cloth diaper swap/sale groups. Also the website clothdiaperswappers.com is a great resource for used diapers. Because of these options I don't pay over $14 for a diaper including shipping. Also check out Hyenacart.com and Etsy.com for cloth diapers made by WAHMS (Work At Home Moms). I find the WAHM diapers come in the most unique prints and Moms know exactly what you need in a great cloth diaper.

What do you need? Really all you need besides the cloth diapers are:
Diaper Pail - we use a trash can with a lid Purchased from the 99 cent store.

Pail liner - in the very beginning we used plastic bags which worked fine however we now have a pail liner. It is best to have two so you when one is washing you have a clean liner in the pail.

Wet bag - needed to hold soiled diapers whole out of the house. Zip lock bags will due until you get a wet bag

Diaper sprayer - we used a spray bottle and disposable liners for months before investing in the sprayer now I don't know what we would do without it.

Biodegradable liners - great option for those who don't want to deal with the poop, you just dump and flush.

Cloth Diaper Safe Laundry detergent - must use one free of additivies that can cause build up on your diapers and affect absorbancey. We use Rockin' Green but there are tons more, here is a list of all cd safe soaps. Remember you have to find the right one for your family and it may take going through a few brands.

Cloth Diaper Safe Rash Ointment - necessary to protect the absorbency of your diapers. Using non safe ointment will cause a film buildup which will reject the liquid from soaking into the diaper which means leaks for you. Plus the cloth diaper ointments are all natural which lets face it is better for baby. You can also make your own ointment.

Patience - because my husband and I both have older children we have loads of experience with disposables. Converting to cloth has been a learning experience. Trying to navigate the diaper snaps, deal with leaks and finding the right fit for our baby has caused more than a few tense moments in our household. After a little time we got the hang of it and cloth diapers have now become part of our lives. I like that our children see us using cloth diapers and hopefully one day will do the same with their babies.

Oh and just in case you are still on the fence about cloth diapering use this calculator to compare costs.

Cloth diapers are not for everyone but it's great to explore new or less traditional ways of doing things.

A Day At The Farm

2011-12-03T11:51:00.019-05:00

During a freakishly warm October day I decided the family should get dressed and go apple picking. I'm all about exposing my children to new experiences. As a child I remember going apple picking on a school trips and bringing home a bag full of the crunchy treats to my mom who made quick work out of pies..yummy. So now that we live in an area where there are a number of accessible farms I figured why not start an apple picking tradition. It didn't take long to convince the hubby to go. He enjoys doing things with the family and loves to drive so we piled in the car and were off. As soon as we pulled up to the entrance of the farm I realized everyone had the same idea because it was packed. I hate crowds but was determined to power through. At the entrance there was a sign that read PYO(pick your own) apples, peaches, raspberries, tomatoes and pumpkins. Sweet!, in my mind we hit pay dirt and would get enough produce for a few days of meals. Alas my joy quickly faded once we got to the picking field where another sign read no more apples and peaches. Oh well there are still all the other stuff to choose from, we decided to start with raspberries.

There was a bit of disorganization which was annoying to me. There was no one to show you how to pick the raspberries properly. Not even a sign or handout with instructions. All we had was a map of the farm and a plastic bag to hold the pickings so we had to figure it out on our own. After a few minutes we had the technique down. I can't imagine how many plants are ruined by newbies. The farm was massive and the crops were really spread out plus the sun was particularly brutal, beating down right on top of us. We decided to push ahead and enjoy the experience. We walked up and down rows and rows of raspberry bushes trying to find the plumpest and juiciest berries ripe for the picking. Ethan was quite content in his stroller. He seemed intrigued with the scenery.

My husband was very methodical about his picking. He would reach down and inside the bush at the risk of being scratched and having his clothes snagged to find the perfect berry. Shania and I were breezing through grabbing what we saw on top of the bush. After about an hour we were done. Remember it was hot and are not used to manual labor..lol.

Next we decided to head over to the pumpkin patch. Turns out we could not pick any tomatoes, too late in the season. It seemed like the walk took forever and pushing a stroller over dirt and gravel is quite irritating but I kept telling myself family time, new experiences...urgh. Once we got to the pumpkin patch I was quite disappointed. There were only small pumpkins left, all the big, odd shaped ones were already gone. So we decided to try and make the best of it and snap a few pics for the memory book.

We decided it was time to go and check out. I was anxious to go to the farms general store and do my kinda harvesting, removing produce from the save shelf of a store and paying a cashier.lol. We had a little over a pound of organic raspberries and it only cost $3.00..wow! At check out I noticed a man with a big basket of apples. My mouth dropped open. I asked the cashier why he was able to pick apples and she said he probably picked them up from the ground. Had I known we all would've been on our hands and knees scrounging for apples. Oh well, I know for next time.
The general store was a total mad house, once again the organization was totally off. There were way too many people in the store at once. I barely had space to look around so I ended up getting us some ice cream. Of course we couldn't be there licking cones without sharing with E so he had his first taste of ice cream.

And Loved It!

I mean he really loved it!

First Milk Mustache

So while we were walking back to our car I dropped my cone..NOOOOO!!!!! I was so pissed, I picked it up and slammed it into the nearest trash can. To onlookers I must have looked like an insane woman. After all day in that heat the ice cream was a nice reprieve but sadly it was not to be. It's not like my belly needed the extra calories anyway :(

Although though there were hiccups, it was a good day with the family that resulted in a tasty raspberry tart for dinner. Hooray for family time and farm fresh foods.

Few more pics from the day

Ethan's 8 Month Update

2011-11-02T11:21:00.001-04:00

I say this every month but I truly cannot believe Ethan is growing so fast. Its amazing how he changes each month and very hard to keep track. So far since the last update Ethan's crawling has greatly improved. He no longer throws himself around but rather uses his hands and one knee (he drags the other) to get to his desired destination. Thanks to some gifts from a friend we have basically converted out family room into a big playpen for E. Now that he is mobile we had to find a way to contain him. He loves his play area, my husband and I will often get in and play with him. He is not really good at sharing his toys. If you are stacking something he will stop what he is doing to come over and destroy it then go back to what he was doing. Is it possible to have only child syndrome if your siblings are all over a decade older?

Ethan is trying his best to stand and walk. Another reason why the pen has come in handy. It provides an area for him to pull up and practice. He is determined to walk. Most of his time in the pen (pun intended) is spent trying to balance himself then he turns to walk and falls down. He will keep trying and trying until he exhausts himself. There have been many times where he has let go and stood on his own for a few seconds then plops down on his butt. I have to remind myself not to startle him with screams of encouragement when I catch him standing up. He is trying very hard to speak. He finally says Mama but not necessarily to me. He is still very much afraid of the blender and vacuum. Poor baby starts to shake with terror when it comes on.

He is a friendly baby, smiles at everyone. People will just walk up to us in the street and comment on his beautiful smile, it is captivating. He definitely recognizes Mommy and Daddy. Whenever one of us enters the room he gets so excited. And if you say where is Mommy or Daddy he turns his head in the direction of us, how great is that. He finally has teeth. Recently we had a power outage due to a freak snow storm so we were all huddled in bed to keep warm. Ethan was nibbling on my husband's nose when I heard him say ouch. He told me he felt something hard scratch his nose so I took the flashlight and began to inspect Ethan's mouth much to his displeasure. Well there it was, front and center in the bottom a bit of tooth jutting from his gums. At first I was so elated but then a woeful feeling came over me because now that he has teeth he will be able to bite me and really due some damage. On the plus side once his teeth come in he will be able to eat more chunky solids. We still puree his food, even chicken. We discovered that he cannot eat green peas. He simply vomits whenever he has them. He is good with all other fruits and veggies that we give him. He has also learned to eat snacks with his hands. He puts everything from toys to lint in his mouth but refused to use his hands to eat puffs or yogurt melts. Well the other day he finally did it. Looks like he is right handed. He picks up the snack with his left hand and quickly transfers it to his right then shoves it in his mouth. Overall he is progressing right on schedule. I think we'll keep him....LOL

Cloth Diapering Mama

2011-10-28T19:21:00.008-04:00

If you would have told me this time last year that I would be a cloth diapering Mama, I would have laughed in your face. I'm all about working smarter not harder and lets be real people, cloth diapering is working harder. I mean who wants to deal with spraying poop diapers and the extra laundry. It is infinitely easier to toss a disposable into the trash and keep it moving. Well here I am, been using cloth diapers since Ethan was 2 months old and loving every minute of it.

I initially stumbled upon cloth diapering late one night while I was very early in my pregnancy. I was doing research on the latest baby gear (given that it had been over a decade since my last baby) and stumbled upon a YouTube video by a mommy vlogger talking about cloth diapers. She provided a basic rundown of cloth diapers, the various types, uses and her personal favorites. I wasn't sold right away. I thought it was a great way to save money but who wants to deal with the extra laundry. Upon further research I discovered that one diaper can cost you more than a package of disposables. So I completely put it out of my mind and moved onto the next thing. Once again during baby research cloth diapers came up so I figured the universe was trying to tell me something and decided to look into it more. There are no retail stores in my area that sell cloth diapers so I had to do everything online. I wished I was able to feel and handle the diapers before purchasing but decided to take a chance and purchase them online. I ordered 2 flip diapers through babies R Us. I won't go into the long, boring details about the various types of cloth diapers. Suffice it to say they are not the old fashioned cloth diapers used back in the day that you have to fold and secure on the baby with pins. Those are still available but there are other options. The ones today have been redesigned to give you the operational convenience of disposables but these you wash and reuse.

After Some consideration, tons of research and lots of convincing my husband we decided to cloth diaper on a trial run. I ordered some inexpensive diapers on Ebay because if we decided cloth diapering wasn't for our family then we would not out of pocket for too much money. I also figured we could probably resale and recoup some of the money. In the beginning we had 15 diapers to work with which at the time meant doing laundry every other day. Not that big of a deal since thankfully we have a washer and dryer in our home. Plus my husband actually enjoys doing laundry, go figure. For the first few weeks I still used disposables when outside of our home. Yes I'm a big chicken but I couldn't wrap my head around carrying dirty diapers for however long we would be out of the house. I still had to get over the yuck factor. Then one day we ran out of disposables and had no choice but to be on cloth full time and you know what, it wasn't yucky at all.

Now don't get me wrong, there are some things about cloth diapering that I don't like. One of which is obviously dealing with the poop. We don't have a diaper sprayer so right now we use a spray bottle that we got from the hospital to spray the solid waste off the diaper and into the toilet. We also use biodegradable liners to put inside the diaper which most times will catch the solid waste and, if we are lucky no spraying is required, we simply put the liner in the toilet and flush. The other thing I do not like is the occasional funk build up that occurs every few months. When this happens you have to strip your diapers. This process can be a bit tedious, depending on your routine, but necessary. Having to do all of that still has not made me want to give up using cloth diapers. I like that we are keeping the chemicals that are often in disposables away from him, feel good we are doing a small part to help our environment by reducing the amount of disposable diapers in our landfills and I LOVE that we are saving money. Now I am a fluff addict. I love searching for diaper deals and trying new brands and then there are the prints. I just love how cute E looks in his diapers.

I had to buy disposables for the first time in months for vacation. I remember standing in Target staring at all the diapers not knowing what size to buy. It had been so long, I was totally out of the loop. Parents were walking around me reaching for the one they probably buy each week but I felt clueless. Finally after 15mins I picked up a box I assumed would fit Ethan based on his approximate weight and stormed off.

Today we have over thirty diapers and do laundry twice a week. I actually enjoy stuffing and preparing clean diapers for use. Hubby has the wash routine down to a science. It’s so funny to watch him talk about it, he is a convert. Now do I find a dirty diaper sitting on top of the diaper pail instead of inside. More times then I care to count but I just chalk it up to man brain, toss it into the diaper pail and move on.

Overall I am happy that we made the transition over to cloth. So far I am the only one of my friends who uses cloth diapers, really trying to get some ladies over to the fluff side....lol. Either way I will be here wearing my CD label with pride.

Here is a video of our stash

In the video I say "6 Flip" when I meant "6 FuzziBunz"...arghhh

Tell Me I'm Not The Only One!

2011-10-19T18:30:00.002-04:00

Moms and Dads of pre-teens and teens, I'm looking for some support! I need to know I'm not the only one dealing with a bratty teen. I can't be the only person out there to get a call from their teen while at work requesting something that they need for the next day, having known they needed this item days in advance. Please tell me I'm not the only one. It can't just be me who walks in after a long day to "mom i need money for..." and "mom can i go...." and "mom you need to buy..." without so much as a hello or how was your day. And I can't be the only one on earth to have her teen say "i told you about that already" knowing damn well she didn't. It happens so much so that you start to believe you are going crazy. And that silly blank, deer caught in headlights stare they give you when they don't have an answer for why they disobeyed you AGAIN...urghh. No, it can't just be me because that means I'm doing something wrong and I'm the problem not my bratty teen.
Lets examine this theory for a moment shall we. What if we parents are the reasons why they behave this way. I like to think I've instilled and continue to instill good core values in my child. I have taught her right from wrong, compassion and respect. I have taught her to work hard to achieve her goals. She sees me do it every day when I drag my behind out of bed and head off to work. Each year we perform community service so she has some sense of what it means to give back. But maybe she has too much. I don't shower her with expensive gifts, that's her bio dad's thing, what I try to do is expose her to different experiences. Maybe we'll go try a new cuisine at a restaurant or take in a Broadway show or go on a nice vacation. It can't be wrong for me to show my child as much of the world as I possibly can. Aren't we supposed to expose them to new and exciting things? Are we not supposed to let them know there is something beyond their block? I don't mind taking my daughter out for a nice meal. I think its necessary so she doesn't go all gaga for a guy when he does it. So why does it feel like I'm being punished when those bratty little teenage horns expose themselves? I know she understands how she should address me and how to respect others because the teachers can't say enough about how polite and well behaved she is. You don't know how many times I've heard a teacher say "I wish I could clone your child”. I swear my eyes well with tears each time because it means at least someone is reaping the benefits of all MY hard work. Dammit I want to see it to! (stomps feet and pounds fists into wall).
There are moments of calm where we are actually enjoying each others company but it only takes one eye roll or heavy breath for it to come to a screeching halt. Now those of you with small children may be reading this thinking that you will never ever have these issues with your teen. Well, I hope you don't but you probably will because it’s not me, it’s them! (has ah ha moment). Our issues started the morning of her 13th birthday party. It was the first time I heard a boy on her phone, the first time she questioned all those rules she had to follow and the first day that I realized our relationship would be altered for the next few years.

I'm a good mother dammit. Am I perfect, heck no but I am doing the best I can to make sure my child becomes a productive, positive member of society. Do I love my child? Absolutely! I cannot imagine my life without her but she still works my nerve. I think it makes sense that our children, whom we love dearly, annoy us. It’s the people you care for the most that can drive you crazy. So that's my story, tell me yours so I know I'm not alone. My name is Misty and I am the mother of a bratty, lazy and often ungrateful teenager. Coffee and donuts are in the back.

Ethan's 7 Month Update

2011-09-08T20:52:00.012-04:00

Today marks Ethan's 7 month so I figured it would be a good time to blog an update. I haven't posted an update for him in so long and there is no way I'm going to be able to remember all the developmental changes he has made since the last one. I feel bad that I have not been on top of this. This blog is not only meant to entertain other moms or soon to be moms but sort of a life journal for me. I want to look back on these posts years from now and remember where our family was at that moment in time.

So Ethan is progressing famously. At his last appointment he weighed 16lbs 8oz and is 26in long. He is in the 50th percentile for height and weight. His father and I were shocked, we assumed he was at least 20lbs. When you carry him he feels heavy so to hear he was barely 17 pounds was a surprise. I had to weigh him again in the doctor's office just to be sure.

Ethan is trying to crawl. He has not yet figured out how to use his knees and arms to crawl but he gets where he wants to go. He does this move where he pushes up on his hands and tip toes in sort of a downward facing dog pose then throws himself over. It is pretty funny to watch. He has also begun to sit up on his own. The first time he did it I yelled to get my husband's attention and scared the mess out of E and he toppled over. Lord only knows what I'll do when he takes his first step.

We are doing great with the solid food. He had his first taste just shy of 4 months. At the time he was strictly on baby oatmeal and brown rice. At around 5 months we started to give him fruits and veggies. I still make all his food with organic produce. The only time I buy baby food is when we are traveling or having him try something new for the first time. I do this to check for a possible allergic reaction and to see if he likes it. We've recently started giving Ethan organic puffs aka baby crack...LOL. He absolutely loves them, even gets excited when he sees the container. The best part is watching him eat them. He uses his tongue to move the puff to one side of his mouth and chews. Its funny because while he has no teeth he knows what to do when they come in. And he's still on Mommy's milk :)

Ethan loves to hear himself. He is constantly making some sort of noise and when he finds a new one he is on it for days. This past weekend he said Dada for the first time. Imagine my surprise especially given all the time and energy I put in to teaching him to say Mama. Either way I'm happy that he is finally forming words. He says Dada all the time but he has yet to associate it with my husband. So now we speak to him like cavemen ("me Mama, you Ethan") hoping one day soon he'll make the connection.

People always comment on Ethan's easy going temperament and beautiful smile (both which he inherited from his Dad). For the most part he is an easy going kid. This summer we took him on a six hour road trip and 4 hour plane ride and he was fine. Aside from the occasional urge to play and poopie diaper he is a pleasure to travel with.

His sleep schedule has been off since we returned from vacation. During the day he usually takes 2 naps, not lasting longer than 2 hours, and doesn't go down for the night until around 11pm..urgh. I am fortunate that he sleeps through the night until around 630am but my nighttime schedule is all jacked up.

And finally last night my acrobat son decided he would try to escape his crib. He has figured out how to pull himself up and hold on to the side.

Oh goodness gracious, now the "fun" begins.

So that's what's up with our little man.

Peace & Blessings

Upcoming blogs:
Road trippin' with baby and teens
Family vacation
Breastfeeding update
Cloth diaper update
Fall Consignment haul

How Nissan is screwing over the little guy

2011-07-05T15:43:00.004-04:00

I usually only reserve this blog for Mommy topics but I am so furious right now I have to use this to get the word out about how Nissan is screwing me over.

Back in May my Nissan Murano began driving funny. I would press on the gas and it took too long to respond. I bought it into North Plainfield Nissan (which by the way is where I purchased the car) and they confirmed that the transmission needed to be replaced. Upon hearing this I instantly became sick to my stomach thinking about how much money this would cost me. The person I spoke with at the on site repair shop eased my fears my telling me since my car was under 120,000 miles Nissan would replace the transmission for free. I jumped for joy so happy that I would not have to come out of pocket for thousands and told myself from now on all my vehicles will be Nissan because of this great service. Well little did I know I would soon be eating my words.

Once I gave them my car it took 3 weeks for them to get the part in and replace it. I was upset but satisfied because they did give me a rental. Ever since they replaced the part my car still drives funny and in addition to that my check engine light is on and my car now makes a weird noise when I drive it. I asked about the check engine light when I picked it up and was told that it should go off within a couple of days. I waited a couple weeks before having my husband take the car back to NORTH PLAINFIELD NISSAN. They checked it out and turned the check engine light off (not sure what they did)and pushed some part that was hanging down by the wheel (which was causing the strange noise) back in place. Two days later the sound was back and the check engine light had returned. Before this my check engine light was not on at all.

Cut to this weekend. My husband and I were driving into the city for a show and the car starts jerking forward. Thank God we made it into the city safely and back home but once again I am upset that the car is giving us trouble. Today I bring it to a local Exxon car repair shop and when they attach it to the computer what do you know, the transmission is messed up. I bring it back to NORTH PLAINFIELD NISSAN and they confirm it's the transmission only this time they can't tell me when the part will come in and they cannot give me a rental. I explain to the gentleman (in the calmest voice I could muster) that I had to drive out to Philadelphia this evening to pick up my children from the airport. He, while sucking on a red blow pop, said there was nothing he could do. So the part you replaced is "not responding" and you don't know when another part will become available and in a dealership full of vehicles as well as a rental shop across the street you cannot do anything for me? I repeatedly told him that I need a safe vehicle to drive my family around in and he seemed not to care and that the part was on back order. WHAT! So after some time of me looking at him and repeating the same thing over and over slowly loosing my cool he picks up the phone and makes a call. I wait there for almost an hour for him to tell me the best he can do is get me a rental on MONDAY, well today is TUESDAY! I walk out defeated and pissed off that a major company like Nissan would do this to their customers especially during a down economy where they should be going above and beyond to satisfy us. I'm just a Wife and Mom who needs her vehicle to get to work and drive my children around. I now have to come out of my own pocket for a rental and needless to say my vow to stick with Nissan vehicles or purchase another vehicle from NORTH PLAINFIELD NISSAN has been broken.

Signed - screwed consumer.

Father's Day

2011-06-19T23:01:00.002-04:00

Really quick blog. I wanted to give a shout out to all the Fathers out there who are shining beacons in the lives of their children. The love and constant support you offer your children every day is key in shaping who they will become. Often it seems Moms get all the credit but a Dad's love is immeasurable. I miss my Dad, I know he's looking down on us from Heaven. Happy Father's Day!

Here is what I did for my honey on Father's Day. It was extra special this year since we now have our little boy Ethan.

Nursery Tour

2011-05-26T16:32:00.011-04:00

Here is a quick tour of Ethan's nursery. My goal was to not make it too baby so that he could easily grow into the space. I also wanted it to remain comfortable for my stepson who stays with us 3 to 4 times a year.

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Product List

Crib & Changer - Craigslist.com

Mobile

Hamper

Projector Soother

DIY Book Sling

DIY Art

Monitor

I still need to purchase window treatments for his room but I have not found the right fabric.

In other news: I won a brand new Medela Freestyle breast pump from Away Baby Essentials. I am so excited and cannot wait to use it, product review is forthcoming.

Consignment Haul 2

2011-04-27T21:03:00.005-04:00

Check out my latest consignment purchases, please excuse my horrible video skills.

Please be sure to check and make sure the items you have purchased at a consignment sale have not been recalled. This is especially important for baby gear and toys.

Here is a picture of Shania working at the sale yesterday, she helped check in the consignors. I was so impressed with how well she followed direction and caught on to the process. I am a proud Mama.

Ethan's 2-3 Month Update

2011-04-21T21:34:00.003-04:00

Let's just pretend I posted this a week ago when Ethan hit 3 months :)

During the time he went from 2 to 3 months E has continued to grow both physically and developmentally. It is amazing to watch him change day by day and I love that I am able to document it all.

He has begun to coo at us. It's funny because it seems he is really trying to communicate but we don't understand baby language so we smile and talk back to him. He also "talks" to his toys. He has playtime in his bassinet every day and he spends most of it having a conversation with his toy giraffe, it is pretty funny to watch. He is able to roll from his stomach to his back although he only does it when he is really upset. He is trying to roll from his back to his stomach but hasn't made it all the way over yet. He has started holding onto his toys but we have to wrap his fingers around them. When he lays on his play mat he likes to reach and touch the hanging toys although he still seems pensive about it. He as begun to sleep in his crib during the evenings which we are grateful for since he is outgrowing the bassinet. He is definitely a little charmer with a smile that can light up a room. I am so excited to see how he continues to develop.

Ethan's 1-2 Month Update

2011-04-21T21:23:00.006-04:00

Ethan has changed so dramatically since his first 4 weeks of life. This update is late as he is now 2.5 months old however I will only be covering his development from 1 - 2 months.

During this time Ethan started to be able to focus more on objects especially bright colors. He recognizes Mommy, Daddy and Sissy and will follow us with his eyes around the room. His sleeping patterns have become more predictable he is starting to understand that when the lights are out it's bedtime and not play time. He is using his hands to touch my face especially in the early morning hours when he's hungry. If he's in bed with me not only will he cry but he will repeatedly hit me in the face. He is working to hold his head up and even likes to put weight on his legs as if he wants to stand. He is sleeping more in his bassinet and crib as we begin to phase him out of Mommy and Daddy's bed. He inches around in the bed in the middle of the night. I will put him to sleep on the other side of the bed and wake up with him right next to me. While laying on his activity mat he is paying more attention to the hanging toys and even reaches up to touch them but has not yet grabbed them. He no longer cries when having his diaper changed and very soon we will be off disposables and onto cloth diapers :) Breastfeeding is going great, he is on 100% Mommy's milk. My goal is to keep it up until he is 1 year old but know if I can't that I've done a great job so far.

I'm a little sleep deprived but I know once he starts solids his sleep patterns will be longer. Overall he is a healthy, beautiful, precious baby.

Few pics just in case you haven't seen enough already...he he

She really is a good kid

2011-04-13T20:06:00.011-04:00

So as you can see from posts and if we are friends on Facebook you will notice that my world for the last couple months has been about my baby boy and I feel like I've been publicly neglecting my daughter. I say publicly because I have not been neglecting her at home, I just haven't been facebooking, blogging or tweeting about her. It's hard because she's at the age where she does her thing and then goes into her bedroom and blasts music. She is a teenager who most of the time feels like I don't get her and I think she's irritated by me so we don't spend as much time together as we should. There are those moments where I get a glimmer of the little girl who loved to be with her mommy 24/7. When my husband is at work she'll come with her big 14 year old self and ask to sleep in my bed. I figure what the hell she will be away at college in three years and I will not have these moments anymore. So we'll lay in bed and watch the silly reality shows that she loves and talk about how ridiculous yet entertaining the characters are while snacking on microwave popcorn. It is in these moments where she lets her guard down and allows me to enter her world. She will open up and tell me about things going on with her friends and the antics that occur in school and maybe tell me about a boy that she likes. I appreciate these times because every day I ask her how was school and did anything interesting happen and almost always her response is "fine" and "nothing". Then eventually shes falls asleep before me and drools on my husband's pillow....LOL. She is also my shopping buddy which I think is awesome about having a daughter. She has no problem keeping up with me going from store to store especially if she knows she's getting something.

Even though we bump heads and she is able to weave a wicked tale at the drop of a hat to get herself out of trouble, deep down she is a good person. I see that because when I am not feeling well she will offer to make me something to eat without my having to ask or do something a little extra. She especially loves her baby brother and I can tell that she will always want to protect him. I call her a drama queen because she is, that's just her personality and I've learned to tolerate that side of her. She is extremely intelligent and respectful to those outside of our home. Whenever I meet with her teachers they have nothing but glowing things to say about her. I almost always have to hold back tears during these meetings because I am so proud that she conducts herself with dignity. I guess that is why her attitude in the home upsets me so much because I know she knows how to behave. I often ask her why do the strangers get the respectful child.

I do expect a lot from her because when she's out in the real world life will be 10x more challenging. She has a set schedule to follow when she comes home from school that involves reading, going over the day's classwork, exercising and doing dishes. Once those things are done if there is still time after we have had dinner she is allowed to watch television. We have had this schedule for so long that it's second nature to her now and I know when she's my age she will appreciate what I've asked her to do. I do not have any problems with her getting up and making it to the bus stop on time. I've actually never had an issue with getting her up for school. She takes after her Father in that respect because my Mother used to have to throw water on my face to get me up. I started teaching her to be independent very early on and now that is coming to back to bite me on the butt because she often feels she should be able to do more than I allow her.

We often think alike. The other day we were in Target and overheard a baby crying. She and I looked in the direction of the cries and saw a little girl about 5 or 6 having a fit. We shot each other a look and Shania said exactly what I was thinking "isn't she a bit big to be crying like a baby"..LOL I mean this girl really sounded like an infant. Then another time, also in Target, we saw a little girl asking her Mom to buy her a soccer ball. The mother told her no because they had to wait for the supply list from the coach. The little girl insisted and had a fit in the store but the Mom stood her ground. I was proud the Mother held to her convictions until about an hour later when we were all at checkout together and what do you know the soccer ball was in the cart. Shania and I looked at one another and when we got outside my child once again verbalized my thoughts "can you believe she got that soccer ball for her after the way she acted". A smile of pride came across my face because I already see the kind of Mom she is going to be.

So this post is dedicated to my often difficult, emotional, moody, drama queen Miss Shania Alexus. I don't know where I would be if God had not put you in my life. You made me focus and you gave me purpose, Mommy Loves You.

Consignment Haul

2011-04-12T00:25:00.005-04:00

Will be returning next week Monday with product reviews, I don't have my stuff together right now. What I do have is a quick, poorly made video of the items I picked up at the baby consignment event I went to last week.

Before getting pregnant I had never gone to a baby consignment sale. I have been in consignment as well as goodwill shops and I am always cruising for stuff on Craigslist and Ebay so I am no stranger to buying things second hand. I have to give a shout out to carla the bubblelush for putting me on to baby consignment events. The big ones usually occur twice a year in the Spring and Fall and you can find information on events in your area by doing a search on Google or Craigslist.

Here are a few tips I have learned in my very short experience with consignment events.

-Make a shopping list: It is easy to get overwhelmed and not end up with any of the items you intended to get in the first place.

-Shop early: Try to get an early shoppers pass usually given to first time or new moms and volunteers. If you get in before the general public you have first pick of the good stuff.

-Bring a helper: I usually drag my husband along and we are able to spread out and hit the toys and clothes simultaneously. Also if there is a long line he will wait on it while I continue to shop :)

-Look at everything carefully: You are buying used items so take time to look everything over before checking out since sales are typically final. I have found the clothes to be clean but you have to be extra sure since let's face it kids are messy.

-Have Fun: I love a bargain so shopping at these events gives me a rush especially when I find things that are brand new.

Ethan is 2 months and has already outgrown his newborn attire and has moved on to 3-6 month size. It's amazing how fast children grow so I see no need in spending loads of money on clothes they will only fit for a short period. Don't get me wrong, we do buy him new clothes (certainly on clearance) but we are careful not to break the bank.

If she didn't look like me I would swear ......

2011-04-05T22:33:00.003-04:00

Tonight after a lovely family dinner my daughter retreated to her room and came out with a document that she handed me. The paper looked as if it had been chewed up and spit out by a dog. At first glance I could barely read the words because it was so badly creased but I knew from the title and the signature lines at the bottom that it was something from her school that required my approval. I looked up at my teenager and asked her why the paper was in such horrible condition. She was not surprised by this question because we have gone through this many times. I even went to her school once and made her take all papers out of her locker and organize them into folders. I have spent money on folders and files with the hopes that she will no longer bring me documents to sign looking worse than the dead sea scrolls. So I asked the question and she proceeded to tell me that the rain did it. [Enter Blank Look] I repeated her response and she shakes her head yes giving me a look that says how dare you doubt me. I asked her how the rain got through her book bag then into the folder where I know you had this paper and she responds that the rain is always messing up her papers. This is all news to me, guess I have to go out and find plastic to cover her book bag.

I brush that stupid excuse aka LIE aside and notice 1/4/11 printed at the top. I ask her when the teacher gave her this paper and her response is...drum roll please.....LAST WEEK. Amazing right? The teacher gave you a paper dated Jan 4th last week, what a load of crap. Then I asked when the paper is due, already knowing the answer, and her response was TOMORROW. This is another issue we constantly have to deal with, her bringing me things at the last minute. So when I ask her why she has done this AGAIN she tells me she forgot about it and yadda yadda yadda. After about a minute of listening to her speak I began to tune her out. I eventually held my hand up, suddenly feeling very exhausted, and told her to stop because I couldn't take it anymore. Relieved I had released her from the explanation process she trotted off back into her cave I mean bedroom.

Ughh if she didn't look just like me I would swear she were not mine.

Product Review Mondays - Mamaroo

2011-04-04T21:17:00.003-04:00

The 4 Moms Mamaroo is a cross between a swing and bouncer seat. It has five motion settings and various speeds. It comes with built in nature sounds and has an MP3 connection to play your own music. The Mamaroo also comes with three plush toys printed with colorful scenes to stimulate baby and has a good range of recline so baby can sleep comfortably.

Ethan seems indifferent about his Mamaroo, he can take it or leave it. I have found it to be most helpful when he is tired, the medium speed puts him right to sleep. He does not care for the toys that dangle from above so I've attached other items that I know he prefers to look at. He cries whenever I play the nature sounds but thoroughly enjoys the music from my Ipod especially Bob Marley. So far his favorite motion setting is Kangaroo, it seems to relax him. There is a setting that simulates a moving car and I figured this would be the most used because he is always quiet in the car but it seems to be his least favorite.

All in all the Mamaroo is a good product for babies. I like that it plugs into an outlet so you don't have to worry about batteries. It is also very light weight and easily moved from room to room. The cover is easily removed for quick washing or you can just wipe it with a damp cloth because the material is not porous. The con in my opinion is the price, $200.00 is very expensive for a baby swing. I was able to get mine from someone who did not like it and I paid less than half the retail price.

Product Review Mondays - Milkies Milk Saver

2011-03-28T21:19:00.008-04:00

I'm going to try and write a weekly review of a baby product for all those new or renewed Moms out there (like myself). Followers of this blog know that I have a teenage daughter so when it came time for me to prepare for an infant I had no idea about all the new maternity and baby products on the market. Please be advised I am not an expert nor am I being paid for this review this is simply my personal opinion of particular products that I use on a regular basis. I encourage you to try different products and formulate your own opinion.

Today's product is Milkies Milk-Saver which is designed to fit into your bra or nursing tank to collect breast milk from one breast while you nurse from the other. It has been over a decade since I attempted to breast feed so I had no idea that while feeding a baby from one breast your other breast is likely to leak milk as well. The first time I saw this product online I was skeptical because it looked uncomfortable and I did not think it was worth the almost thirty dollar price tag. One day Zulily had a sale on the Milk Saver offering it for $17 so at that price I decided to give it a try. It turns out I was terribly wrong, this product is worth the price tag sale or no sale. When my breast milk first came in I would lose at least an ounce during each feeding but I figured that was just something that I had to deal with and move on, well this product has changed all of that. It fits comfortably in my bra so much so that I have forgotten that I had it on. I keep it right by my bed so it is within easy reach for those middle of the night feedings. The very first time I used it I collected almost an ounce of milk. Throughout the night and early morning I collect enough milk so that my husband can do the 10:00am feeding and I am able to sleep in. It is easy to clean and comes with a convenient travel case. If you are serious about breast feeding this is certainly worth the money.

Milkies Milk-Saver

Here is what it looks like out of the package

How much I collected after the first use

Moooo....

2011-03-17T00:14:00.007-04:00

My daughter is totally offended by my exposed breasts that seem to be out all the time...LOL I try to confine myself to the bedroom when I'm breast feeding because Ethan does not like to have anything covering his head so I have not been able to use my udder cover. I find that I am totally committed to this breast feeding thing no matter how frustrating it is at times. I take great pride in knowing that I am supplying our baby with all the nutrients he needs. With my first child I tried it for a few weeks only coupled with formula. I would say she got 80% formula and 20% breast milk. I just did not enjoy the process, it was painful and I felt like she was not getting enough. With E all but one feeding is breast milk and that's because by 10am I am too exhausted to do anything so Daddy gives him a few ounces of formula so I can get a bit of rest. As soon as I am able to supply more than what he consumes then I will be able to give him 100% mommy milk. During his one month appointment the doctor said he should be drinking 30oz of milk a day so now I'm on the hunt to find out what I can do to increase my milk supply. I drink at least 64oz of water a day, I try and drink 2-4 cups of lactation tea and now my latest experiment is lactation cookies. Currently it takes me approximately 40 minutes to pump 4-6oz of milk, I would love to boost that up to 8-10oz so hopefully these cookies work.

The recipe is courtesy of drmomma.org and I chose the Major Milk Makin' Cookies created by Kathleen Major, PNP, RN. I substituted the chocolate chips for carob chips because I don't eat chocolate.

The cookies taste pretty good, they are moist and not too sweet. I can definitely snack on these daily with a cup of tea.

Ingredients all mixed up

Carob Chips - WONDERFUL chocolate substitute

First batch done, second batch ready for the oven

Close up of cooked batch

I used half the mix and made 24 cookies, so in total this recipe should yield 48 cookies depending on your portion size.

Ethan's 0-1 Month Update

2011-03-09T16:22:00.010-05:00

Quick update on E's progress since at only 4 weeks old he is not doing much. During the first two weeks he did not do anything but sleep and eat. He had the normal infant reflex responses like grabbing my finger and reacting to loud noise but that was pretty much the extent of his actions. Now he is much more active and focused. He is more alert, it's great to see his beautiful eyes open for extended periods. He does not play with toys but enjoys looking at his rattle which is painted in high contrast colors of black, white, blue and green. He does have moments of playfulness where we will lay down together and he'll hit my arm constantly and coo. Just within this week he is sleeping in 4 hour cycles at night, Thank God, and takes anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hour naps during the day. He likes to take a bath but hates getting his hair washed. He prefers to lay in his crib over the bassinet, I think it's because the crib is softer than the bassinet. I'm not ready to have him sleep full time in the crib yet so most of the time he sleeps in the bassinet or our bed. Lately he has been having issues expelling gas so I give him a little anise seed tea and I am working on various techniques to help relieve the gas pain, I have found that laying him on his tummy is most affective. Gripe water works as well however I prefer to give him something more natural. He is now very aware of our voices and loves to stare at the light fixtures. As far as his temperament goes he loves to be held and hates to have his diaper changed. He rarely cries if he is wet but will certainly let you know the moment he is hungry. He will scream at the top of his lungs when gassy and that sound just tugs at my heart. We have not had his 1 month physician update yet so I'm not sure how much he weighs. I can tell he has grown considerably and is finally able to fit into some of his 3 month clothing. I am only guessing but I think he is 8-9 pounds and he poops and pees like a champ. We spend a few moments each day on tummy time which he doesn't seem to care for at this point. During one session he rolled from his stomach to his back TWICE. I have it on video as proof for those of you screwing your faces as you read this...LOL All in all he is a good baby and we are truly blessed to have him.

PS - Breastfeeding is going well. I'm doing better than I ever expected, he is on 98% of mommy milk. Hope I continue to hang in there.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DECADE MAKES

2011-02-18T23:22:00.009-05:00

It's Friday night, I'm watching Ethan sleep in our bed and begin reflect that only 10 days ago I was in the hospital in labor. This got me to thinking about both my pregnancy and delivery experiences and how vastly different they were.

I got pregnant with my daughter when I was seventeen and as you can imagine had absolutely no clue what to do. I didn't even come to terms with my pregnancy until I was four months along. I did very little research on the changes that were going on in my body, all I cared about was how much the labor would hurt. I wanted to prove I could handle things on my own so I applied for Medicaid and went to the local city hospital to start my prenatal treatments. I figured if my mother saw I had everything handled, or so I thought, she would not be so upset that her teenage daughter was pregnant. Little did I know she knew for most of the time that I was pregnant but was waiting for me to tell her.

So while pregnant with my daughter I was not really sick at all. I remember vomiting on the train once which was thoroughly embarrassing and once at home before heading to school, other than that I was completely fine. Toward the end of the pregnancy I began to suffer with high blood pressure and was admitted to the hospital a number of times for observation. I was told to stay away from MSG, salt and to try and keep calm but being the thick headed teen that I was I continued to eat Chinese food almost daily and had no problem screaming my head off at someone if they upset me. Can I blame the hormones for that? I had my regular appointments at the hospital where I never saw the same doctor more than once and all but one nurse seemed to remember my name. The waiting room was always full of other girls that seemed to be my age, perhaps they lumped all the appointments for the teen moms on the same day. Each time I went for a check up I prepared myself to be there all day. Very few times did my daughter's father come to the appointments with me. I would either drag my twin brother along or go with my girlfriend who was also pregnant. The day I had my daughter I had gone in for a routine exam and was 10 days past due. The doctor on call decided since my blood pressure was high it was time to induce. I was admitted and put into a standard size hospital room with two beds. For awhile there was a woman in labor next to me but after a few hours they sent her home for whatever reason. My Mother came to the hospital soon after and my bff and second Mom stopped by to see me just before visiting hours were over. It felt good to have the support of family and friends. I labored for hours before I was able to have an epidural. I could hear the screams of women in labor in the rooms right next to me. Thank God they did not admit another woman into the room with me. I don't understand why the hospital could think it would be comfortable for women to be laboring in the same room with only a curtain separating them. The doctor on call was very nice although I had never met him before and all he knew about me was what was written in my file. He was a jovial person dancing from room to room checking on his patients. At the time it irritated me to see someone so happy while I was in so much pain. I could not get in touch with my daughter's father because it was a Friday night and that was his hang out time. It was not common place to have a cell phone back then so my Mom would call his cousin every hour or so and ask her to page him. He never did answer any of her pages so needless to say he missed the birth of his child. It's just as well, if he was out partying and drinking he would have been of little help to me. I eventually received the epidural which provided much needed relief. I had no idea what went into administering the epidural but I did know there was a huge needle involved because my Mother made quite a stink when the doctor had to stick me more than once to administer the medication. I did not feel the needle pokes however did feel an electric shock through my legs once he pushed the meds. After the epidural my Mom and I were able to get a few hours sleep. I woke up feeling pain and lots of pressure so the nurses began to prep me for transport to the delivery room. Any Mother will tell you this pressure feels like the need to take the biggest poop ever. I had no idea this meant the baby was ready to come out so I began to push out what I thought was poop. The doctor and my Mother were on the other side of the curtain putting on paper scrubs when the doctor poked his head in to check on me and a look of horror came over his face. He jumped onto the bed and at that moment out popped my daughter. I was in total and complete shock, I was just trying to poop not push her out...LOL She was out and completely fine weighing it at 6lbs 11oz. Sadly my Mom missed her coming out, she only had her scrubs half way on when she heard my baby crying. After I was cleaned up they took me to a room with get this 5 other girls where I stayed for the next two days before I was discharged. We had to use the communal bathroom located down the hall and I remember it was not very clean. I called my Mom the first day in the hospital and cried like a little kid at sleep away camp for the first time, I wanted to come home. My daughter's father eventually made it to the hospital the next morning and I must have looked a mess because he instantly began to cry when he saw me. It was either that or the immense guilt he felt for missing the birth of his one and only child. This is not to bash my daughter's father in no way and I do not hold any ill feelings towards him for not being there. I honestly believe my Mother was the right person to have by my side at that moment in time. All in all the experience is not one that I look back on with fond memories. I guess that is why it took 15 years for me to have another child. I am thankful that God saw fit to bless me with a healthy baby girl who is now a beautiful young lady.

Comparing this story to my recent experience is like comparing apples and California oysters...LOL I started this process thinking it would be similar to the experience I had with my daughter because that's all I knew. First off I have a job and private insurance and I am a grown married woman so a few major differences to start off. When I found out I was pregnant I did tons of research about the different stages of pregnancy and how the embryo develops into a fetus. I was also very aware of what my diet should be and how my physical activities would need to be altered. I found out about a highly recommended OBGYN in my area and right away scheduled an appointment. With this pregnancy I became terribly ill very early on. I was so sick that I had to take time off from work. It was horrible, I literally spent weeks in bed leaving only to bathe and go the doctor. Once the first trimester was over I felt so much better and was finally able to return to work. Going to the doctor each month was actually quite pleasant. The nurses were on a first name basis with my husband and I. Each time we walked in I would go to the first desk and before I could give my name the nurse would say "hello Misty" with a big smile. My doctor is the head of the practice, an older distinguished looking man with great hair. He made me feel at ease from day one. He took time to meet with me and my husband in his office after my very first examination to answer all the questions we had. My husband also has teenage children so it was like starting from scratch for both of us. My husband went to each and every appointment with me even if I was just going to have blood drawn, he never missed a day. I would often have a list of questions for my doctor and he never at anytime appeared to be annoyed or rushed no matter how many people he had waiting for him. When I checked into the hospital to have the baby we had our very own labor and delivery suite complete with tv, sofa bed, private bathroom and two rocking chairs. The nurses on staff were pleasant and did their best to make me feel comfortable. When the epidural was being administered I had a mini panic attack because all I could think about was that painful electric shock. My husband could not be in the room with me during this time so the nurse held my hand and spoke reassuring words in my ear. I did not feel the shock this time, apparently that only happens when the needle hits a nerve. After the baby was born we were put into a family suite that was bigger than the L&D room again with a bed for hubby, rocking chairs for visitors, tv and huge private bath. We ordered our meals from a menu each day and the food was actually good. Even though I was in a hospital I was extremely comfortable. I wonder if my first child birth experience was like this would I have waited over a decade to have more children...Hmmm

Cranky baby full of gas, slick teenager full of S*&T

2011-02-13T23:05:00.002-05:00

So today has been a challenge for me, Ethan was having issues last night so we did not get much sleep. I have been trying not to have him sleep in our bed but I could not help it last night. He was so cranky and seemed to cry every 5 minutes. I could not get him to settle down however he seemed somewhat content to be right next to me so at around 5am I surrendered and put him the bed with me. He still woke up a few minutes to poop, pee, eat or burp but at least I did not have to continuously take him in and out of the bassinet. The lack of sleep coupled with my achy back, sore nipples, contracting uterus and the stitches on my hoo haa I was a total wreck (not ashamed to admit it…lol). When my husband came home he saw the look on my face and knew we had a bad night. To top it off we had an 11:30am appointment with the pediatrician so had to get me and Ethan ready for our first trip outside since he came home. On our way out the door the phone rang and I noticed it was the hospital calling. It seems we had not signed the birth certificate paperwork before being discharged so we now had to make the trip back out to the hospital. I was so disappointed since that meant the trip back to my bed would have to be postponed. The peds appointment went well, Ethan is healthy and developing right on schedule. Upon arriving home I began the task of breast feeding Ethan which can take awhile because he is a little lazy to latch. I wanted him full so he could sleep for at least 3 hours straight, I figured we both needed the rest. During the feeding session my daughter came home from school. Even with a baby attached to my boob and very little sleep I managed to ask my daughter about her school day. I am trying to make a conscious effort to keep up with her just as I had before the baby arrived. I don’t want her to feel like she is not as important as Ethan. I also don’t want her to think she can get away with things since I am now preoccupied with an infant. Not long after my daughter got home she asked if she could go to the movies with friends. I told her I needed to speak the parents who would be driving them to the movies and picking them up. She then asked if a school mate of hers could come to the house early and then travel to the movies with her and the other girls. Again I said I needed to confirm this with this girl’s mother or father before she came over. Apparently this girl lives far away from our area so it would be easier if she left from our house to go to the movies. When my daughter handed me the phone with the girl’s mother on the line she had no idea about this arrangement and had no idea if she or her husband would be able to pick their child up once the girls returned from the movies. I told her that I guess they will have to work something else out and ended the call. I then told my slickster child that her friend could not come over and would have to find another way to get to the movies and I explained why I had made that decision. Even though I explained my reasoning my daughter still began to whine and ask “but why” and “how come” to which I ignored for as long as I could before promptly telling her to get out of my face before she missed out on the movies as well. See I know exactly what the plan was, she was going to have that girl come over here and after the movies there would all of a sudden be no way for her to get home so she would have to spend the night. Now my child knows I would say no to overnight visitors at this point because she just bought her grades up enough to have the privilege of an evening out with friends so this was her way of TRYING to get around things. I’m glad I know my child well enough to anticipate her antics, hopefully I will continue to be up on it.

Oh and the girl did end up going to the movies. Low and behold her parents were able to take her to the theater and pick her up whereas my child told me she lived way to far away from the theater for her parents to do this...Hmmmm

Labor and Delivery Story

2011-02-11T02:05:00.008-05:00

I have decided to dedicate this blog to the adventures of my life as a mom and step mom of teenagers and now a baby. Reading other parents experiences have helped me with mine and it’s comforting to know that I am not the only one going through the trials and tribulations of motherhood.

On Monday February 7th I went to the doctor for a routine 38 week examination. Before seeing the doctor the nurse always takes my weight and blood pressure. Throughout my pregnancy my pressure has been elevated as was the same with my daughter so this did not alarm me. As the nurse was taking my pressure I noticed her make a weird face at the results. I knew it was really high when she said “let’s try again in the other arm”. She took my pressure for a second time and again there was the strange face. She then called for another nurse to come over and try it because she thought she had the numbers wrong. I knew at that time my pressure was off the charts. The second and I guess more seasoned nurse took my pressure and confirmed the number that the initial nurse had and as she said it the doctor was walking by and stopped in his tracks. Now this is not my normal OB, he was out on vacation, this was his partner who I have seen from time to time so he is familiar with me and my history. He asked them to repeat the number and when they did he said “okay Misty today is the day”. I didn’t have an immediate reaction but my mind raced on all the things I had yet to finish. I had not yet put curtains up in the nursery, the baby’s closet needed to be organized, the family room needed vacuuming and I wanted to change the duvet on our bed. I was not at all prepared, in my mind, to bring the baby home but I guess God had other plans. I had a feeling the morning of my appointment that I should put my hospital bag and car seat in the trunk but figured I had more time to do this. I really need to start paying more attention to that little voice in my head.

Before heading to the hospital stopped home to pick up my daughter and all of our bags. I was not sure how long we would be in the hospital so I wanted to be prepared for anything. When we arrived at the hospital we went straight to Labor and Delivery. My husband picked up the phone told them we were sent over by my doctor and were told we had to go through the ER for admission. It was at this point that I saw how anxious my husband was. He is normally cool in situations like this whereas I am the one who is totally impatient, this time the roles were reversed. He was so curt with the nurse that I had to take the phone from him to get instructions. I too was annoyed because we had pre-registered at this hospital and the doctor had called ahead to have them prepare a room for me so going through the ER seemed ridiculous. So off we went back downstairs with all of our bags walking through the halls of this huge hospital when I just happened upon an admissions office. I waddled in and gave my story and the lady graciously offered to do the paperwork for us without having to go through the ER. Fifteen minutes later we were back at the entrance to L&D and this time I picked up the phone and spoke to the nurse who promptly let us in. As we entered the spacious room the nurse asked me how old my daughter was. I recalled during the tour that children under 16 were not permitted in L&D so I lied and said my daughter was 15 going on 16. Well lying does not pay off because the nurse said she has to leave since is under 18. She was nice enough to allow her to stay in the room with us until someone was able to pick her up. Thankfully my brother in law was able to hop in his car and make his way to the hospital from the Bronx. I was quickly hooked up to the blood pressure monitor where it was discovered that my BP was still elevated but not as high as it was in the doctor’s office. By this time it was around 4pm and I was starving. I had not had anything to eat since 11am and knew they would not let me eat anything until the baby arrived. The nurse said they could not start me on the pitocin (medicine induce contractions) until my doctor arrived. I knew this would be a long wait but thankfully there was a television in the room and we all had our tech toys to keep us occupied. While waiting for the doctor to arrive I began feeling contractions and this was without the pitocin. Before leaving the OB’s office he confirmed that I had dilated 2cm so with induction or not this baby was coming sooner rather than later. While waiting for the doctor to arrive my BP began to go down and eventually stabilized. At that point we thought were going to be sent home. I was a bit disappointed because I did not want to leave the hospital without a baby. About an hour before the doctor arrived my BP shot up once again the nurse said I would very likely be staying since my levels were unpredictable at this point and I was contracting on my own. Finally at 10pm my doctor arrived broke my water and started the pitocin.

Labor is definitely the right word to use when trying to bring a baby into the world. I tried to be brave and take the pain for as long as I could with asking for an epidural. I never wanted to have natural child birth but I wanted to try and handle the contractions on my own with the hopes that I would progress fast. After a few hours of back to back contractions I could no longer tolerate the pain. I didn’t expect the contractions to come on so furious right away. I figured I would have 6 or 7 minutes between contractions but these were 2 to 3 minutes apart. By the time I asked for the epidural I had progressed to 5 centimeters so that was reassuring. The anesthesiologist took awhile to arrive because he was working on a c--section so I was kicking myself for not requesting him earlier. The entire time my husband was super supportive. He does not like to see me in pain or discomfort and I could tell at times he felt helpless. He works in a hospital so is familiar with the lingo and really helped the nurses out. They loved the fact that he knew how to check my vitals, change the linens on the bed and make sure the IV was working correctly. I took great pride in watching him talk to the nurses and really got a sense of what he does on a daily basis. Once I got the epidural I felt much better but still could not sleep. I told my husband to lay down and get some rest and that I would wake him when it was time to push. I spent the next few hours watching TV and playing scrabble on my laptop. At around a quarter to 5am the doctor checked me said it was time to push, the room instantly came alive with activity. I instantly became nervous, looked over and said “hun” in a quivering voice. My husband jumped up without missing a beat and grabbed my leg. It only took a few pushes for Ethan to come out and I cried for the shear relief that the long pregnancy journey and labor were finally over. It happened so fast that other nurses who I guess were supposed to come and help with the delivery, could not believe he was out already. When the doctor placed Ethan on my stomach I could not see him, he was covered in the sheet, all I could feel was the top of his head before the nurse took him. My husband never left his side he was telling me his stats from across the room. I asked the nurse what his apgar score was and she said 9 which I was pleased with. My doctor kept telling me how great I did and that the baby was fine but I couldn’t help but think he was just saying that to keep me calm. After about 20 minutes the baby and I were all clean we were finally reunited . I instantly fell in love with all 6lbs 7oz and 19 ½ inches of our baby boy. My husband came over and gave me a kiss and told me how well I did and how much he loved me. I looked down at Ethan and instantly recognized that McFadden nose and that we had the same lips which look like God outlined them with his own hand. Right now he has more attributes from my side of the family than my husband’s. When he gets upset his brow furrows just like mine when I’m mad, my husband was the first to notice this. We both have children from previous relationships so it is truly amazing to see this life that we created together. I cannot wait to experience what life has in store for us going forward. Here are a few pictures of our little miracle.

So Much To Report

2009-07-26T00:51:00.003-04:00

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything here. I’ve been so busy with work, school and home life that I have not had the free time to get my thoughts down in the digital world. My husband, daughter and I recently returned from a trip to Punta Cana. We try to take an annual family vacation and this year we decided on the Dominican Republic. It also happened to coincide with my daughter’s 13th birthday so we splurged on first class seats (outbound flight only) and stayed at the very beautiful Dreams Punta Cana resort. I have not been away since our trip to Belize in February and as soon as the plane touched down I instantly felt at peace. As soon as you enter the Punta Cana airport there are women dressed in vibrant colors welcoming you to the island and stand with you to take a photo. Going through customs was a breeze, the lady barely looked at our passports. We never check bags so we were able to walk right past the crowd gathered around the carousel directly out of the airport where our driver awaited holding a sign with my name on it. I was so eager to get to the resort I almost skipped to the car. The ride to the hotel took about 45 minutes but it didn’t bother me in the least. When we finally arrived at the resort we were met with cold towels and a glass of champagne. I have not been drinking lately but I could not refuse the bubbly goodness. I sipped on the glass of champagne while the clerk at check in told us all about the wonderful activities the resort had to offer, as if I didn’t already know. Once in our room I sprawled out on the canopy king size bed and reveled in the fact that we would be in paradise for the next 5 days. I purposely left my laptop at home so as not to get the urge to do work or school assignments. I could not give up my phone, still had to have some access with the outside world. The resort was full of activities during the day and entertainment at night. The beach was beautiful, with plenty of lounge chairs and beds. I didn’t go in the water, bit too much seaweed for my taste however the pool winded through the entire length of the resort. I was content to sunbathe and listen to my ipod. My husband and daughter thoroughly enjoyed the pool and all the perks that come with staying at an all-inclusive. At night the resort had live shows and showed movies at different areas of the property. Around midnight we would bring my daughter to the room and head back out to enjoy adult activities like the casino and night club. The day before we left I decided to take advantage of the spa and treated my daughter to her first professional massage and pedicure. It was a wonderful experience. After our massage we relaxed in the sauna and hung out in the hot and cold pools. During our time at the spa I promised to treat myself to a spa treatment at least once a month. It has been awhile since I’ve felt that relaxed. On the last day of our stay I was a sad to leave but felt rejuvenated and ready to come back to my reality. Now I am looking forward to my all girls vacation at the end of August.

Me in my uncanny way of putting too much on my plate decided to schedule my daughter’s 13th birthday party the day before we were due to leave on vacation. On top of that the night before the party she had her very first sleepover. The party was held in a private room at a restaurant not too far from our house. I decided to go all out and make cds of her 13 favorite songs to hand out as favors, hire a caricature artist and order a fabulous 3 tier cake to celebrate the occasion. She also, thanks to her father, had a DJ spin records at the party. During the party I sat back and reminisced about my 14th birthday party with my best friend, also her god mother. I remember it was right in the back yard and we ate chips and burgers. Music came from the boom box and dessert was simple sheet cake from the local bakery. It was very low frills but I remember we had such a good time by the end of the night I had a boyfriend and one of my Mom’s kitchen chairs was broken…LOL These kids today are too afraid to dance and gather in corners giggling. Thank God my little nephew is fearless and got the party started when he hit the floor to Soulja Boy’s swagger song. It was nice to see Shania with her family from mine and her father’s side all in the same place celebrating her special day. I know a few children from broken homes that don’t have that luxury. At one point her bio dad and I shared a special memory of when Shania was two years old and she used to sing Sisqo’s Thong Song. I was surprised he remembered that and we exchanged a quick glance that showed we both remember the good times in our relationship. At the end of the night Shania made a wish and released her balloons into the air. As a Mom I can only hope all her wishes and wildest dreams come true and provide her the tools to make that happen.

Latest DIY Project

2009-06-08T21:17:00.004-04:00

Just wanted to share, so proud to finally check this off my "to do" list for this house.

Hubby and I finally finished the mantel, it will have to be moved down a bit when we get the flat screen next spring but I'm excited to have a new place to display artwork and photos. Home Goods here I come!

This is the fireplace before

This is the fireplace after

Can I Skip The Teenage Years?

2009-06-03T22:03:00.001-04:00

My 12 year old daughter is quickly approaching teenage hood which means I’m slowly losing my mind and cool. Each day that creeps toward that magic number 13 and I plan for the celebration I secretly want to sell my house and book a four year trip around the world. Each day I find myself repeating the same phrases: you have no privacy, I’m not your friend, don’t slam that door and who the HELL are you talking to. I’m not naïve, I realize this is the time they start smelling themselves and test their limits. They get to your eye level and for a fleeting moment think they can kick your ass. I’ve been there, I had that thought about my own Mom but with a quick chin check that was put out of my mind…LOL

And what‘s up with the stupid excuses? The other day my daughter forgot her house key again and had to sit in the backyard and wait for me to get home. It was a nice day so I told her to do her homework while she waited. When I got home I asked if she had done her homework and she said she didn’t do the math because she didn’t want flies to get on her paper….FLIES. Is she really trying to insult my intelligence. I would have appreciated more if she just came out and said “Mom, I really didn’t feel like listening to you so I decided not to do my homework”. When I hear these stupid excuses for not doing something you were clearly told to do I tend to look at her like she is completely foreign to me. I think to myself, did I produce you? There must have been a mix up at the hospital.

And then there is the Boy thing. Ugh I’m so not prepared mentally for this round robin. No matter how much talking or after school specials or books read I know she will eventually make her own choices. I can’t lock her up, although I’d like to, so I just have to trust that what I’ve told her and continue to tell her resonates. My anxiety is not at all eased by the curse my mother put on me so many years ago. She would often say to me “I hope God lets me live to see the day that you have a child who does the same thing to you”. Now all I can think is Lord please be merciful. I’m not sure I can handle a pregnant 18 year old, although I don’t think I turned out half bad…LOL

These are the years when fathers and daughters begin to bond. I’ve noticed that most of our discussions often turn into an argument and my daughter will seek solace in her step father or her biological father. My husband often plays referee as his tolerance level is so much higher than mine. He is some what of a teenage whisperer because he can listen to her complaints weed through the whining and get to the core of what she needs and relay that information to me. On top of that he is the fun guy, willing to put homework aside to play a game of cards or watch cartoons with her and let her stay up past her bedtime. I’ve seen her ask him in a hushed voice “is Mom in a good mood today, I want to ask her a question”. Often it will be something she knows I will say no to but as usual she will try. Then she refers to her biological father as her best friend. If I say no to something the first thing she wants to do is call Dad. So for the next few years I’m content to be the enforcer and the bad guy. I’ll wear the title with a smile on my face and a bottle of vodka in my back pocket…LOL Pray for me!

I Think I Love My Feet

2009-05-06T17:25:00.009-04:00

I used to hate my feet. Back in junior high school all of my friends had small feet ,sizes 6 to 8, and here I was with boat sized 9s. During this time the Reebok high top sneakers were all the rage and almost every weekend was spent at the mall buying the new hot color. I used to save up my pennies to afford the latest fifty four elevens (the sneakers cost $49.99 plus tax hence the name) but dreaded going shopping with my friends because often was the case the store didn't have any more in my size. When I got to high school I slowly learned to accept my large feet which were a size 10 by this time. They didn't look out of place and matched my height just fine but I was still apprehensive when my first real boyfriend asked for my shoe size so he could buy me the new Jordan kicks. I told him I didn't want them when I desperately did just so I would not have to endure the embarrassment of having to tell him my shoe size. It's not like anyone made fun of my feet or even noticed, it was all me. Today I am totally content with my size 11s. Once I realized that because the shoe store didn't always have my size was not due to my feet being abnormally large but that there are many women who wear the same size I became content with my "big" feet. Once I accepted the size my love affair with shoes began. My closet is full of boots, high heeled sandals, shoes and sneakers galore so much so that my husband had to build a closet system to accommodate them all. So I declare before all in cyber world that my name is Misty, I have big feet and love walking through life on them :)

Hope Springs Eternal

2009-04-27T14:29:00.003-04:00

Yesterday the tree in our front yard finally bloomed. I was nervous because all the other trees in our neighborhood had matured and I longed to see the pretty pink petals of our tree. I thought perhaps we put a bit too much weed killer on the lawn and some how killed the tree along with a large patch of grass. Thankfully the petals popped and the front of our house looks beautiful even with the huge mound of dirt on the driveway. Looking at that tree gives me hope that things, no matter how bad they seem now, will get better. God always reveals his plan in the end and what is meant to be will be. That tree bloomed late this year because it was meant to lift my spirits. I know that in the dark there will always be light and that is what I cling to. The hope that things will get better and all the struggling thus far will not be in vain.

Time to Renew and Regenerate

2009-04-22T19:59:00.003-04:00

I've been having a hard time lately. Apparently I've lost the ability to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders without breaking a sweat. Well maybe not the weight of your world but definitely the weight of mine. I've been told that I speak of horrific events very nonchalantly. I don't know any other way of being. Having been raised in a large loud family often racked in turmoil I've some how been conditioned to handle drama as a normal occurrence. I'm not one to boo hoo when something bad happens with the exception of death. My way of dealing is to immediately think of what to do next, I'm in constant planning mode. Well after almost 31 years of dealing my body and mind have had enough and are cracking under the pressure. So I have no other choice but to take the next few weeks to try and center myself. The plan is to begin the process of repairing myself physically, mentally and spiritually. Wish me luck.

Babies on the Brain

2009-04-14T09:46:00.002-04:00

This weekend while gardening in the front yard I noticed my neighbor with a baby bump. I instantly felt a pang of jealousy because I wanted us to be the first ones on the block to have the it's a boy or it's a girl flag posted on the front lawn. I know it's silly because I'm not in a rush to have one, especially in such a rocky economy, but the truth is I'm not getting any younger. I could stop now and in 5 years my daughter will be off to College, I'll still be in my 30s footloose and fancy free. But then I'll never know what it is like to bring our baby home from the hospital and experience the first night at home as a family. If we decide to not have any more children then the only memory I'll have of motherhood with an infant is trying to navigate my way through the teenage turmoil years with a baby on my hip and not doing a very good job at either. Neither is a good reason to have or not have a child. My husband is a good Dad, the fun one who is more than willing to go to the park and play basketball or football and doesn't mind children tracking mud through the house. I am the enforcer, the one who makes sure homework is done and chores are completed. I think together we make a good parenting team and God willing one day we'll bring our little one into the world.

Hater….por que?

2009-04-08T10:56:00.002-04:00

Why oh why do you hate me, us, our life? Did we do something to you? We’re not wealthy, by any means, just hard working people who scrimp and save so that we can enjoy life and open our children up to new and exciting experiences. You can do the same too. Perhaps stop dwelling on the past and feeling sorry for your self. Quit with the shoulda, coulda, woulda, dust your shoulders off and help support the family YOU chose to extend on a shoe string income. It used to upset me when you would spit venom and hate our way but then I decided that the issue wasn’t me or us it is YOU. You are not at all happy about the life you’ve “built” and this is evidenced by the amount of time you spend throwing dirt our way. How do you keep track of all the lies? I would be exhausted just having to remember what I told who and when. Do you keep all the stories in a little black and white notebook and refer to it whenever you speak to those who you believe are your friends? Now instead of anger, I actually pity you. I feel bad that you are not living your best life. I feel even worse that you are poisoing your off spring with the deep rooted issues that caused you to become the person you are. Don’t you want to stop the cycle? Help them have the joyous and healthy upbringing that some how evaded you. Aren’t we supposed to want more for our children? Can’t you be over there and us over here and we live our separate existences without the needless feud? Do I think I’m better than you - yes. I don’t think I’m better than you because of what I have, material possessions mean nothing and can be taken away at any time. I think I’m better because of my personal morals and values compared to yours, or the ones you’ve allowed to be seen which makes your aura completely ugly. I am by no means without faults nor am I stuck up, nope I’m just a better person than you are. Don’t be upset, there are people out there better than me because I’m not perfect. Don’t panic, it’s something that you have to work on but as most delusional people you don’t see a problem with your ways. See in your mind you are doing everything right and the people you hate are wrong. In your world it only takes one to tango and the people you hate are the reason you are not where you want to be in life. Well I feel bad for you and hope that you can look within yourself to change and make your situation better. What you give you get in this life. I will try not to take your antics personally because I realize it is a sickness and you cannot help yourself. See we both have some growing to do. Don’t hate, change.

I think I'm creative...

2009-04-07T21:40:00.004-04:00

I like to consider myself a creative person. Growing up I used to fashion evening gowns out of my mother’s dress socks for my Barbie dolls. At one point I even considered making jewelry which was evidenced by the way I frequently practiced on my Mother’s perfectly good gold bracelets and earrings much to her dismay. Surprisingly she never got very angry for ruining her things, perhaps she was trying to be encouraging. I don’t know where I inherited this need to make something out of nothing. Perhaps it was from watching my sister make belts, melt candles into old wine bottles, make scarves and masks which she sold to local art shops in Brooklyn. Or maybe my creative streak spawned from my deep sense of frugality. I prefer to never pay full price for anything and have absolutely no problem buying second hand items except those made of fabric. I had an opportunity to show of my DIY skills during our wedding. We had a creative hand in almost every aspect of the wedding from the invitations, to the programs, reception menus and thank you cards. Planning the wedding, while very time consuming and often frustrating, was the most fun I ever had turning nothing into something. Now my biggest project is our home. Craigslist and Ebay have become my go to sites for furniture pieces. I also love going to consignment shops and weekends in the summer are often spent going from one yard sale to another. I’d like to think our home is full of color from the bold red in the dining room to the dark blue green in the office and the chocolate brown accent wall in the master bedroom. When my friends visit they are impressed with what we have done in the short time since we have owned the home. Being “creative” is also very hard work. I’ll see something I like in a store or catalog and that is when the hunt begins. I will often spend weeks looking for a cheaper option or second hand version of the item. I can find something that looks similar and decide that it needs to be painted or stained to match the original vision, the extra work does not bother me. I once purchased a table top from a store going out of business for $2 and decided to string the back with copper wire to make it a piece of art. To this day no one can tell that the piece they admire hanging on the wall in our home theater used to be a coffee table. I will see something in the street and automatically think of ways I could make it work in our home. Just the other day we were driving past a house where the owner had recently cut down a large tree. I immediately thought of how beautiful a coffee table made from bark with the exposed tree rings would look in our home. My husband and I debated back and forth about this and we decided the pieces would be too heavy to move, to this day I still think about that beautiful wood and regret not finding a way to bring them home. I had a short stint with oil paints but I found that more messy than enjoyable. I have now focused on making pillows mainly because I refuse to spend $14 on a simple throw pillow. It has also proven to be very relaxing. I guess my creative mind is inherited. My grandmother was a dancer, my sister a writer, my oldest brother a comedian and my twin brother an aspiring rapper. I also have a host of musicians and artists in my family so it must be in the blood. Can't wait to see where this creative mind leads me.

Back to reality

2009-03-02T23:39:00.011-05:00

I'm back from a wonderful vacation in Belize with my husband. Usually I plan our trips months in advance because it's sort of a hobby of mine but this one was not on the radar. I just happened to see an advertisement for round trip flights to Belize for only $60.00. We spend more than that on dinner or a Saturday walking through Target. I booked the tickets with no idea where we were going to stay or what we would do. We ended up staying at Seaside Cabanas in Caulker Caye which turned out to be just what I needed. See I've been stressed out lately and my body and mind have been screaming for a reprieve from the norm. Caulker is a very small island, a 40 minute ferry ride from Belize proper. You can stand on one side of the island and see clear across to the other side. One day we rented bikes and were able to ride around the entire island in about an hour. There are no cars on the island, the locals get around in golf carts and on bikes. The sand is not only on the beach but all throughout the streets. The exchange rate is 2 to 1 so we were able to eat for cheap every day. The highlight of the trip was our snorkel tour around the famous barrier reef. We saw beautiful coral, exotic fish and even swam with sting rays. After a day of snorkeling we were both left exhausted and the top of my husband's head was completely sun burned but it was so worth it. We traveled to the tourist destination San Pedro (Ambergris Caye) for one day and after a few hours on the island I was very much in a hurry to get back to the quiet of Caye Caulker. Ambergris, while beautiful, is a magnet for tourists. The streets are overrun with cars, golf carts and bikes and there are hundreds of restaurants and hotels. The people in Caye Caulker were so nice and welcoming. Most of them even thought I was a local. I will forever remember the time we spent there and hope to return some day.

This was the view from our balcony

The streets of Caye Caulker

I call this the Rasta boat

It's been along time...

2008-12-04T01:09:00.010-05:00

So I haven't had the energy to type anything but term papers and work memos lately. I didn't even have time to put pen to paper or finger tips to keyboard to express the overwhelming sense of joy I felt when Senator Obama became President Elect Obama....screw it let's drop the elect PRESIDENT OBAMA. I did my part the day before the election and called everyone in my phone book reminding them to rock the vote. I sent emails in the days leading up to election day encouraging folk to not only vote but bring a bottle of water for the person standing in line behind them. On the morning of election day my daughter and I got to the polls at 6am to find the line wrapped around the corner. I decided then decided to go to Dunkin Donuts and pick up 2 dozen donuts to share with my fellow voters. My daughter begrudgingly walked up and down the line serving the sweet treats to all those who decided to cast their vote for change not matter how long the wait. Of course she didn't want to do it but once she received her first tip she was all for it. I wanted her to participate in the process and years from now she can tell her grandchildren that she saw her mom cast a vote for the first African American President of the United States of America.
On election night my daughter and I were laying in my bed and I was clacking away on the laptop as usual, switching between CNN and MSNBC, biting my nails down to the nubs while my daughter played with land yarn. At one point we were both working on 'The Box' and 'Chinese Staircase' when while watching CNN, on mute, I saw a banner flash across the screen informing viewers that Obama had won the election. I instantly sat up in bed, I couldn't believe it. My phone began ringing off the hook. My sister was the first person to call and all I could say was "oh my God", then my husband called and I was finally able to put together a complete sentence and then my BFF called and we couldn't get a clear word out between our sobs of joy. It was the most magnificent moment of my life and I am so happy to have witnessed it. Once Obama won I began to look at my child and think man that could be you one day. Now I look at all of our children and realize that we as parents have to step up to the plate and make our kids achieve more. Now there are no more excuses. This notion of change is infectious and we must now all do our part to make this world a better place. Are you up for the challenge?

Tomorrow I look forward to watching Obama take the oath of office and move our generation into a new era of hope. I will most certainly need a box of kleenex.

Obama the movie

2008-10-11T12:43:00.004-04:00

I'm sitting here watching the trailer for Oliver Stone's new movie "W" and began to wonder who the cast would be for the Obama movie. So far I've come up with Harry Lennix for Barack Obama and Regina King for Michelle Obama and of course directed by Spike Lee. Do you agree? Who are your pics for Biden and of course we have to include McCain and the ever entertaining Palin but I doubt anyone could play her better than Tina Fey.

A Special Day

2008-09-26T19:13:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to the person who helped develop my love of reading by allowing me to be the first to review her short stories, I was maybe 8 years old. She taught me how to make a 360 turn in my roller skates, tie my shoes and play spit. She gave my daughter her very first bath when I was too nervous to do it. She is one of the first people I call when ish goes down. She introduced me to Riesling and R&B night at Lola‘s. She is my partner in interrogations, you don't want to be caught in a room with just the two of us. She listened to me bawl over the phone when I lost the bid on a home I loved at the 11th hour. I was there when she got her first tattoo and she was there to see me graduate from college. We've had our share of fights, what siblings haven’t, especially when I was younger. The 13 year age different made it difficult for us to understand each another. Now that I'm grown we can relate as women and our blood bond has blossomed into a friendship. So Happy Birthday Sis, be sure to have a drink for me at the beach bar.

Where were you when it happened?

2008-09-13T23:58:00.000-04:00

With work, school and family I haven't been able to post my 9/11 tribute until today. Better late then never.

That day 7 years ago is still so clear in my mind, the images as vivid as a if it was just yesterday. I remember getting to work early that Tuesday morning because I was out sick the day prior. I wanted to catch up on the hundreds of emails I knew were waiting for me. At the time I was working in downtown Manhattan a few blocks away from the Trade Center, directly across from the South Street Seaport. My department was located on the 41st floor of a building surrounded by windows. You could walk around the floor and get a 360 degree view of Manhattan and Jersey City. Being on the top floor of an all glass building afforded us beautiful views of the city however we rarely had the time to indulge. That all changed on this fateful day.

I remember sitting at my desk eating a bowl of cereal while clicking away on the keyboard. Everyone was enclosed in their own cubicles doing work, a few were engaged in idle chatter here and there but for the most part it was quiet. Then there was a loud thunderous noise. I didn’t bother looking up and thought to myself damn I forgot to bring my umbrella. I continued to eat and work sitting with my back to the window. A few minutes later I heard one of my co-workers let out a loud scream. I jumped up to see her starting out of the wall of glass which gave us a Birdseye view of the Towers. I ran over to see if she was hurt. She was mumbling incoherently and pointing at the window. I turned to see what she was had horrified her so and my eyes met with what looked like a small hole in one of the Towers. We stood there perplexed for a moment wondering what could have happened. I assumed, from the size of the hole that a helicopter lost control and crashed into the building. From our vantage point we could not see the big gaping hole on the other side of the building. After what seemed like a few minutes my manager called to check in and told me to get everyone back on the phones. Moments later people from other departments began pouring onto our floor since we had the best view of the towers. Up until now I had never really noticed them (The Towers). Residents of NY often take for granted the modern marvels that surround us each day. We get annoyed with tourists who stop in the middle of the street to take photos or stare at a sky scraper. At the time the Towers were basically insignificant to me. As more and more people came onto the floor I overheard talk that it was a plane not a helicopter that hit the building. I still assumed that perhaps it was a small private jet and that the pilot must have lost control. It never entered my realm of thought that it was a commercial aircraft. I tried to reassure the group that everything was fine and to get back to the phones. I went to my desk, sat down and got back to work and my now soggy cereal. Not soon after I sat down the sound of another horrific explosion erupted and I looked just in time to see a huge fire ball cover the sky. I instantly bent over to shield myself from debris. I just knew the glass from the wall of windows surrounding me was going to shatter at any moment. That is how huge this ball of fire was, I had never seen anything like it. I grabbed my purse and told the group let’s go NOW!

We all ran to the elevators. In our disaster trainings we are taught in times of emergency never take the elevators, always go for the steps in case there is an electrical failure. The drills were playing in my mind as I pressed the down button for the elevator however those thoughts were overrun by an overwhelming sense to make it to the ground level. By this time I thought there was a problem with air traffic control and the planes were flying blind. In my mind there was only a matter of minutes before one hit our building. I said screw the stairs I’ll take my chances with the elevator. There was a group of about 10 of us and we piled into one elevator car. The ride to the first floor usually takes a minute but on this day it seemed like forever. Everyone was silent on the ride down. It was as if we were afraid to speak for fear that the sound of our voices would alert one of the planes to us and our building would be next. We all stared intently at the numbers as the elevator passed each floor. Finally we heard the ding that signaled we had made it to the lobby. Once we got outside we joined the crowds of people straining their necks looking up at the now two massive holes, one in each Tower. At that point one of my friends nudged me back to reality and pointed straight ahead at the site of our co-worker walking and half running from the direction of the disaster. Her face was red, clothes disheveled and she was hyperventilating. I remember grabbing her shoulders and asking her what happened, where were you? Then it dawned on me that at the base of the Trade Center there is a train station and shopping mall. My co-worker was in the building when the second plane hit and had to fight her way through the mayhem and crowds of panic people to make it out and then away from the area. I can only imagine what that must have been like for her and now fully understood why she appeared to be on the verge of a mental meltdown.

We went back into the building because the streets were becoming more crowded by the second. I used the security phone to call my boss who was surprisingly still at her desk. I told her we were scared and wanted to leave. She asked me to have everyone meet her in one of the conference rooms on the 9th floor. I wasn’t excited about getting back on the elevators but at least we didn’t have to go to the top floor. I had to deliver the news to the group and knew they would have a fit. You have to understand at this point we still didn’t know this was a terrorist incident and had no idea what was going on at the Pentagon. My cell phone wasn’t working and I had no access to a television. I did however have the feeling that this was more than just an accident. I told the group we had to back upstairs for a meeting before going home. As you can imagine they were pissed off. This is a group of women with husbands and children to tend to. One of which who’s husband worked right across the street from the Towers. We all begrudgingly made our way back to the elevators. Once in the room my manager did her best to calm us down and told us to use the landlines to call our loved ones. The first person I called was my brother’s job because he too worked downtown. They told me he hadn’t come into work yet and that he had a pick up every Tuesday morning in the Trade Center. As soon as his co-worker said the words she fell silent, we both instantly had he same feeling. Tears instantly began streaming down my face. I didn’t even feel like I wanted to cry, it was an immediate physiological reaction to the thought that my brother, my twin, might be caught up in this disaster. I called my mother half expecting that she would be at her wits end with the thought that her two youngest children were in the path of destruction. She was surprisingly calm and happy to hear from me. She said she knew I was alright, guess that is a mother’s intuition, and that my brother was home safe and sound. I asked her to pick my daughter up from school and she said she had already done that. I felt an instant wave of relief knowing that my family was safe and then it happened. Another loud noise only this time it didn’t sound like an explosion, it was more like screeching and crunching of metal. The all glass building was instantly shrouded in dark grey dust. The windows were completely covered, it was like someone had pulled the shades down. My manager began to cry and told us to go home, we all jumped and ran to the elevators. As soon as the elevator doors opened we stepped into total pandemonium. People were fleeing the trade center area and running towards the water in search of shelter and clean air. The lobby was full of people who were covered in dust, the whites of their eyes and the blood from open wounds the only proof that they were human. We said our goodbyes in the lobby and broke off into groups. There were a few who lived uptown, someone in Queens and three of us were Brooklyn bound. We set our sights on the Brooklyn Bridge because we dared not venture underground to the trains. Before we walked out of the building I realized I still had my heels on and immediately turned to go back upstairs and get my sneakers. My friend grabbed my arm and said very sternly “do not go back up there”. I took her advice/order and the three of us left the building. The air was thick and we could hardly breath without inhaling dust particles. We covered our nose and mouth with our shirts the best we could, put our heads down and began walking toward the bridge. We had to walk through the Seaport and pass the Fulton Fish Market to make it to the bridge. Usually the guys that work at the fish market are brash and down right rude at times. They yell at you to get out of the way while they’re unloading trucks and will knock you down if you don’t move fast enough. On this day their demeanor was totally different. While everyone was worried about getting home the workers at the fish Market had the water hoses out and running for people to wash the dust and debris of their hands and face. They handed out paper towels to clean wounds and invited people into the offices to use the phones. The scene still gives me goose bumps seven years later. The three of us paused for a second in awe of the situation and at that moment another crippling sound gripped the area. It wasn’t until later that we would learn that was the sound of the second Tower falling. The sound of a building crumbling to the ground, especially one so tall and massive, is deafening. Everyone began to running and screaming. The three of us ran about a block and then took shelter on the small porch of a store front. We huddled together in the corner scared for our lives and at that point I lost it. I began to cry and shake uncontrollably. My friends tried to console saying we were going to be okay but I didn't believe them. We gripped each others hands and began to pray out loud. Then someone said we have to keep moving. The three of us walked holding hands to the bridge. There were men standing at the entrance to help women climb over the barrier that separated the car traffic area from the pedestrian walkway. The bridge was so crowded with people that it slowly swayed from side to side. At first I thought my mind was playing tricks on me but I noticed people losing their balance because of the subtle movement. The whole scene was surreal. No one was running, everyone appeared to be in a state of disbelief. Then the frightening thought came into my head that one of the planes could veer into the bridge. At that point I began to move faster through the crowds determined to make it off the bridge before if fell out from underneath me. In typical Misty way I had already thought of a Plan B, what I would do if the bridge collapsed. If I survived the initial explosion I planned to swim to the Brooklyn shoreline. With the level of adrenaline pumping through me at that point I just knew I could make it. Finally we made it to Brooklyn and there were crowds of people waiting for their loved ones, news crews taking statements and the police were doing their best to direct the foot traffic. My friend’s boyfriend was there with his cousins waiting for her. He hugged her instantly and you could see the rush of relief on his face that she was okay. His car was already full so there was no way for the me and my coworker to fit, we hugged her goodbye and kept walking. Thankfully we managed to flag down a gypsy cab a few blocks away on Atlantic Ave. In the midst of this tragedy the cab drivers were making a killing by over charging terrified people who jut wanted to get home no matter the cost. I on the other hand was in no mood to be bamboozled so I asked the driver how much and don’t try to F with me because I live here. He gave us a fare price so we got in. It wasn’t until I closed the door that I realized there was already a passenger in the back seat. It was a woman, covered from head to toe in dust with a blood streaming down the side of her face. She stared straight ahead in a trance. I asked her if she was okay and began digging through my bag in search of a napkin. She instantly broke down and began to cry and recount the events of the day. Apparently she was working in the first tower that was hit and witnessed her friends and co-workers hurt and killed when the towers fell. I didn’t know this woman but I grabbed her hand and held it. We rode the rest of the way in silence. I was dropped off first, when I got out of the car my friend and I embraced like it was the last time we were going to see each other. I began to slowly walk up the stairs to my home and something told me to turn around. At that moment I saw a figure, a man standing on the corner. He looked at me with a smile, nodded and walked away. I didn’t realize who it was until he was already gone. He was an ex-boyfriend and I would find out later that he had been waiting on the corner all morning to make sure I made it home safely. I was never so happy to see my family. Brother was in the kitchen cooking and my mom was sitting in her usual spot at the table. The radio and both televisions were on in the house and my mother was talking on the phone. Family from out of town had been calling all morning to make sure we were okay. She used her shoulder to hold the phone to her ear and said “yes she just walked in” to whomever was on the line. She hugged then kissed me and went back to her conversation. Then my daughter came running from the bedroom arms wide yelling Mommy! Mommy! I hugged her and closed my eyes so happy that I made it home but unsure about the future of this country.

Seven years later I still think about that day. I feel sad about all those who were simply going to work or going on a trip and never made it. It also makes me think about the countries where terrorist attacks are common place and how it is a part of their every day reality. I think about how our country has afflicted the same type of destruction on foreign nations. There are men, women and children who constantly live in fear of the next attack. I feel a sense of sadness for all those who perished on 9/11 and with comes a sense of pride to be a New Yorker and witness all those who set aside their egos and the rude NY attitudes we are famous for to help a stranger. My heart also goes out to fellow human beings in war torn regions living in constant conflict. It is our God given right to live in Peace and I pray this will be a reality for all very soon.

We Will Never Forget

PARTY OVER HERE!!!

2008-09-02T22:03:00.000-04:00

August 29th was my husband's 35th birthday so to celebrate the occasion we decided to have some friends over for food and a few drinks. What was originally planned as an intimate gathering turned into a full blown party. Friends from out of town came over with even more friends. Those who were not scheduled to attend showed up and before I knew what was going on our house was packed with people. Reggae music played in the background the entire evening. I had to make a second trip to the liquor store because my stash was quickly consumed. The ladies surrounded the bar reaching for the last of our wine glasses because Riesling just does not taste the same in a plastic cup. The men sipped rum and whatever else we had to mix it with or just straight up...yuck. At one point we were all in the dining room having the never ending Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus debate. We left the table, exhausted from battle, neither side victorious but hoping the other gained a little more understanding. Then the men were off to the game room for a few dozen rounds of pool and more debate about McCain and his latest ploy to win the white house. My girls and I hung out in the family room, laughing hysterically about the "the old days". Some were on the sofa, shoes off with their feet tucked under them, a few were sprawled out on the floor and I was perched in the big comfy chair with my feet up on the fire place hearth. WE HAD A BLAST. I don't remember what time everyone left but as soon as the last person existed hubby and I got on the task of clean up because we both knew we'd be in no condition to do it the next day. When I woke up the next morning the only evidence of the party were empty wine glasses on the counter and a lone piece of barbecue chicken in the fridge. My husband, who never really likes to celebrate his birthday, awoke with a smile on his face happy that he was able host a party with good food and drink under his own roof at this point in his life. That day we lived liked lazy bums sleeping on and off only waking to drink water and try to get rid of all the alcohol consumed the night before.

Good Times.

The need to succeed

2008-08-27T23:30:00.001-04:00

Okay so it's 11:30pm on Thursday evening and I've decided to log in and get some work done. Figured this would be a great time to get real time feedback from the Tokyo office. When did my life become all about work? I can't believe I'm sitting here, listening to Transformers play in the background for the 100th time, WORKING in the middle of the night. Wonder if my managers are up doing the same. Gotta Go back to the trenches.

2 Years and Counting....

2008-08-04T21:37:00.001-04:00

Today marks me and my hubby's second wedding anniversary. Our wedding day is still very clear in my mind. We were married on the beautiful island of St. John at the opulent Caneel Bay resort. We love St. John. The island is so peaceful and rich with culture. As soon as he popped the question I knew exactly where I wanted us to exchange vows. The morning of the wedding I thought I had it all together. I didn't feel any trepidation about what we were going to do. When I woke at 6am that morning it was raining, we were having an outdoor ceremony and I immediately felt disappointed that we would have to move to plan B, a covered gazebo. Plan B was very nice but I had my heart set on the cliff side ceremony overlooking the ocean. I put it out my mind and decided to go about my day of primping. My Maid of Honor, one of my Bridesmaids and Wedding Planner spent the night with me in a lovely beach side suite at Caneel Bay. They tried to keep my mind off of the torrential down pour and ushered me to my mani and pedi appointment. The entire time at the salon it rained buckets. I just knew the entire day was ruined but just as we were leaving the rain stopped, the sky cleared and the sun shone bright as ever. The angels were smiling on us.
Once back in the suite there was a flurry of excitement. My Mom and Grandma were getting their hair done, a few of my bridesmaids were having their make up applied and I simply sat back and waited my turn. I didn't want my hair or make up done too soon because I knew it would be ruined by the time the ceremony started. We were bussed to the ceremony location where the resort had a room setup for us to finish getting ready. At some point I realized we were running behind schedule. My suspicions were later confirmed when everyone refused to give me the time. My cool, calm and collected demeanor quickly crumbled once I saw that my dress had carelessly been shoved in a closet and was now wrinkled, we some how lost the ring pillow (which I searched months for) and the name tents were MIA. I stood in the middle of the room with people running back and forth, doing there own little job and wanted to say hey guys, look at me, I‘m about to lose my mind. I felt like I was in the middle of Grand Central station, having no clue what train I should be on. I began to cry and at that moment I could feel all eyes on me, finally..LOL Everyone ran to me asking what was wrong, all I could do was mumble something about being late and that my dress was ruined. My sister in law quickly got on the job of steaming out the dress (Caneel Bay just happened to have a steamer in the room, this must happen often), my make up was expertly applied in no time by my girl Debbie and Nikka got to work on my hair. As quickly as my melt down began it ended with me being fully and completely ready to meet my groom at the alter.
My brother and I were at the end of the line, of course we were the last ones in the procession. I stood there holding my bouquet, watching my girls walk down the aisle and all I could think was why are they moving so slow. Guests at the resort were walking by giving me compliments and congratulations and I really wanted to be gracious but after 20 mins of standing there I didn't have a smile left in me. I wanted to see him, wanted to say "I Do" and get to the party. Finally it was our turn to walk. As soon as we started down the aisle my throat tightened up, my hands started to shake and my eyes began to well with tears. Oh shoot I thought, not me, I don't want to be the bride who cries her way down the aisle. I told my brother to make me laugh and he did by reciting stories from our child hood, I told you the aisle was long. I'm so happy he did that because the pictures don't show a bride with the ugly cry face and mascara running down her cheeks. Instead you see a laughing, jovial bride with her head slightly tilted back while her brother quietly recounts how we used to get in trouble for laughing hysterically at the dinner table while our older brother made funny noises and faces.
So finally I made it to the aisle, to the man I decided to spend the rest of my life with and the first thing I said was "what happened to your tie?" Vic had on his suit but not the shirt or blue tie picked out by me to compliment the bridesmaids dresses. They were left in St. Thomas and there was no time to pick them up before the ceremony. It only took me a minute to realize those things were superficial and didn’t matter in the greater scheme of things. What was important was the fact that I was getting ready to make a vow before God, my family and friends to love and cherish this man forever. The ceremony was beautiful, we even said vows to our children and gave them bracelets as a symbol of commitment to our new family unit. At the end of the ceremony we were treated to a beautiful rainbow. I think that was my father giving us his blessing. After the ceremony we boarded safari buses to the reception site and spent the rest of the night enjoying good food and music with our guests.
Our wedding day ended with the two of us back at our beach side suite, lying across the huge bed, sipping on champagne, finally getting to taste the food from our reception and marveling about how far our relationship had come. After that we spent 6 glorious, fun filled days in Costa Rica. Today our bond is even stronger. I would be lying if I said we never disagreed or had moments where we wanted to strangle each other but eventually we get over it and remember what brought us together in the first place. The past two years have been filled with ups, downs, joy, pain and everything in between. I know there are more challenges and blissful times ahead and I wouldn't want to go through this with anyone but him.

Happy Anniversary Honey.

My Baby Girl

2008-07-24T22:02:00.000-04:00

12 years ago on July 20th I found myself ,at the age of 18 years old, the mother of a 6lb 12oz baby girl. Although I tried to put on a brave face for family and friends deep down I was terrified. I didn't want a baby, she definitely wasn't a part of my 5 yr plan. But I knew that my Mom would have my back so I put the shoulda, coulda, wouldas out of my mind and focused on the business at hand which was doing my best to raise this little girl to be a smart, strong and independent women. Today she is well on her way to becoming everything I hoped she would. My always telling her to speak her mind instead of whine like a baby often backfires on me. I see so much of myself in her and know that even though the terrible teenage years are on the horizon, in the end she will be a well rounded individual. She is my greatest accomplishment.

Happy Birthday Shania Alexus

CELEBRATE CARNIVAL 2008

2008-07-12T02:40:00.001-04:00

This summer my family and I took a much needed vacation to the US Virgin Islands for St. John's carnival celebration. My husband and I decided to treat the kids to their very first Caribbean carnival experience which I think they're still a little young to truly appreciate. Carnival in St. John is a 6 week long event culminating in a parade and Independence Day fireworks celebration. When we arrived the island was alive with calypso and reggae bands and numerous street vendors selling scrumptious local cuisine. We spent our days on the beach snorkeling with the kids and our nights watching the local bands perform. My husband and I were totally content and at home in the crowds of people swaying from side to side, sipping on Red Stripe while listening to the smooth rhythms of the island's best performers. The kids however were not at all impressed unless the band covered an American track they could sing along too so we kept them occupied with food and souvenirs. They left the island with a love of Johnny Cakes, snorkeling and pan fried fish. The parade was very entertaining. I love the colorful costumes that seem to give people permission to dismiss their every day lives and transform into totally different characters. I even caught my oldest daughter dancing in front of a float for beads, now I know which one to look for on those Girls Gone Wild videos..just kidding.

I feel so blessed that we are able to expose the children to our culture and hope they will always remember and cherise these times.

Happy Fathers Day Dad

2008-06-14T21:47:00.000-04:00

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, saw fit to call my daddy home three years ago. I took the loss very hard. I was surprised by my level of grief because we didn't have a traditional father / daughter relationship. I probably gave my father the most trouble growing up and it started from toddler hood when I used to refer to him as Robert instead of Daddy like the rest of my siblings. Growing up we would get beatings, yes our parents disciplined us for real, and I would give my father a run for his money..LOL He would be out of breath and exhausted from chasing me around the house but I refused to go down without a fight. I figured if I ran him around a bit he wouldn’t have the energy to hit me. Sometimes my plan back fired because he would be so upset with me for making him run that I would get a few extra licks. My twin brother would take his punishment without trouble just to get it over with. Then as a pre-teen I went through the neck and eye rolling stage where I found myself on the receiving end of many back hands…most times I deserved it. I just didn’t understand him and the demons he was struggling with so we constantly bumped heads. Finally there was the time when I came home pregnant and he promptly told me to get an abortion. For a long while after that we didn’t speak. I think he was more disappointed than angry but then again he didn't really do too much talking to anyone but himself. My daddy was one of those guys you see walking down the street, having a conversation (complete with hand gestures) with himself. He didn't look crazy, I think the average passersby understood he was simply thinking out loud, but not too loud if you know what I mean. He often had a smirk on his face and grumbled when he spoke. As a child he intimidated my friends, needless to say I never had a slumber party. But there was also the flip side to Robert aka Mac. Often times during hot summer days my father would bring candy to all the kids playing outside. Then as a grandfather he always kept pretzel sticks and sweet treats in the house for his grand children.
It wasn't until I reached my twenties that our relationship began to improve because he finally saw me as an adult. But now that I think about it maybe it wasn't that he finally realized I was an adult, perhaps it was I who changed my approach to him. When I got older I realized what he was struggling with, I understood and was more sympathetic to his plight. When he would go off on a rant instead of adding fuel to the fire by screaming back I'd simply say "okay dad" and walk away. Then I purchased my first vehicle and that opened up a whole new side of our father / daughter dynamic. Because I purchased a Jeep my father saw it as a grand opportunity to finally shop at the local warehouse food center aka Costco. Almost every weekend I had to make a trip to Queens so he could buy gallons of bleach and stacks of meat. During those weekend drives to Costco we would talk about current events and politics and fight because my father was the ultimate side seat driver. (Side Bar: I wish he was here to see what Obama has accomplished. He would be so proud of him although my father always told us that due to the absence of television the first president (before Washington) was a black man and when the people discovered this they ousted him from office.) Having a vehicle also gave my father something to really teach me about. He showed me how to check the tire pressure, change fluids, fuses and bulbs. Now granted I rarely do those things today but I believe he felt good passing something down to me since there wasn't much of that growing up. To his displeasure I would often pat the bald spot on the top of his head, something I would never have dreamed of doing as a child. When I finally moved out I would stop by the house every morning before work to chat with my Mom. On the way out I'd yell down into the basement to say goodbye to my dad and he'd grumble back goodbye in return. Those were the last words I heard him say and I often feel guilty that I didn't take the time to walk down the stairs and see him one last time. I guess if I knew that would be the last time I saw him alive I would've taken the time to do so.
My father may have had his issues and it wasn't always easy growing up but he moved us into a home, scared us all onto the right paths (there were no late night jail bail outs for his children) and ingrained in me and my siblings a sense of black pride and love of pepper sauce. My dad wasn’t all bad, in some ways he was fearless. I remember him rescuing my older brother from being jumped by a street gang. Then there was the time he went in search for the person that pulled a gun on my twin brother armed with a bat and Lord knows what else. I also remember him coming to the aide of a young man who had been hit in the face with a steel bat while we all played at the local park. Then there was the time he sprang into action when I came home upset because owner of the corner store called me the “N” word. My father was across the street in a flash to defend me and all the little black children that frequented the store on a daily basis. Robert McFadden wasn’t a bad guy, I guess you could say he was just misunderstood.

Okay my throat is getting tight now as type this so I'll have to end it here.

Love you Daddy. Miss you every day.

Solitude

2008-06-08T08:21:00.000-04:00

It's around 8am on Sunday morning and I'm sitting in the kitchen by myself sipping on a piping hot cup of herbal tea. I love this time of day when everyone is still fast asleep and the only light are rays of sun streaming through the Venetian blinds. Remnants of food and drinks with friends the night before are all over the kitchen but the mess doesn't bother me in the least, I'll get to it later. Right now I want to enjoy these few moments of peace where the only sound is the whir of the ceiling fan and my keyboard taps, "alone", sitting on a stool in my kitchen clacking away.

Wine Country

2008-05-31T21:43:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here drinking a glass of wine clacking away on my trusty laptop.

(Side Bar: I don't know why I waited so long to get a laptop. It is so convenient. I don't have to wait in line for my husband to finish reading email or my daughter viewing reruns of Americas Next Top Model before I finally get my turn on the computer. This morning I checked my email sitting in the kitchen with my husband while he made us breakfast. I LOVE IT.)

Today I went to my first wine tasting at Wine Country. I just happened to be walking out of Walmart when this woman handed me a flyer for the event, she must have recognized a fellow wine lover. My husband and I decided to check it out before eating lunch..bad decision. We had a wonderful time. To my husband's delight there was more than just wine. In the midst of the 36 wine tables there were representatives from various beer distilleries and liquor companies. Midway through the event while wondering through the aisles of wine and spirits I realized I was a little loopy. This was further confirmed by the look my husband gave me when he saw me staring at a wall of wine in wonderment....LOL All in all we had a great time and walked away with a refreshing chardonnay and a delightful sparkling red wine, hubby has a 6pk of German beer on order.

God Has Kept Me Here For A Reason

2008-05-30T10:07:00.000-04:00

I received the below message in one of those annoying chain emails. You know the kind followed by the warning that if not sent to 10 people within 10 minutes you’ll have 10 years of bad luck. I don’t believe this and can’t understand how people claim to believe in God and subscribe to superstitious thought. Anyway I believe in God and am more spiritual than religious and truly feel we are all here for a reason which is why I decided to share this script. I highlighted the text that relates to my own personal feelings because I do struggle to let go of past hurts. When someone does me wrong I tend to have vengeful thoughts where I’ll sit and think of ways to get that person back. Not sure if that’s just the sign of the bull (Taurus) or basic human behavior. However I realize this takes too much of my mental energy and “they” don’t deserve my time. Those who seek to make everyone around them miserable or who are clearly envious of you, we all know someone like that, and have nothing better to do deserve our sympathy not revenge. I’m trying to grow and realize that those who do terrible things are truly suffering in their lives and should have my forgiveness because they are clearly not happy. I’m learning to let go and let God. I’m not there yet, you will catch me hatching a plan every once in a while but I’ll reach that level of forgiveness very soon.

I AM ABUNDANTLY BLESSED!

Peace

Repeat after me: God has kept me here for a reason. I survived because
He has a plan for me. All my bad relationships, the addictions, the
consequences, the bad credit, the repossessions, the death of my
loved ones, the back stabbing from my friends, the negative thoughts, or
the lack of support; I made it because I am blessed!
I release and let go of all past hurts, misunderstandings and grudges
because I am abundantly blessed! I recognize them as the illusions
they are, and sent from the enemy to kill my spirit, steal my joy, and
destroy my faith;
For God is all there is. All else is a lie! Now give
yourself a hug, wipe your tears away and walk in victory!!!!!!!! I love
you, but more appropriately God loves you BEST! Be blessed and know
that you are at one wit! h THE SPIRIT OF THE LIVING GOD! And may the
Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.
Genesis 31:49. Amen!

Happy Birthday To Me

2008-05-13T13:03:00.000-04:00

Today is my birthday, the big 30. I don’t physically feel any different but emotionally I’m already missing my 20s. I had hoped by the time I reached thirty I would have it all figured out by now but I honestly don’t have a clue. My job is cool, pays really well and my boss is down to earth but it’s not a career. I’m three semesters away from a Masters degree but I keep going back and forth on what I want to do with the rest of my life. Sometimes I want to work my way up to Marketing Director for a major corporation and other days I’m content with the aspect of running a modest B&B on a small Caribbean island. Aren't I supposed to be completely clear and focused on my goals by now?

It just so happens a few days ago I purchased a new vehicle so this is a big gift from me to me ; ) I love the leather interior, sun roof, 6CD Bose system and sleek design. Driving down the highway with the sun roof open, listening to Mary J. Blige tell me to work what I got makes this new phase in my life all the more easier to accept and appreciate. I also plan to treat myself to a new laptop and Coach bag, can't say I'm not doing my part to boost the economy. Guess being 30 is not so bad at all.

PS

Thank you Lord for blessing me with another year on this earth, healthy children, a loving husband, home ownership ; ) and supportive family. I am grateful.

What are you reading?

2008-04-07T10:46:00.000-04:00

I just finished Term Limits by Vince Flynn and picked up Memorial Day and Separation of Power, also by Vince Flynn, in the train station's book store. I was so excited to see these books in the small station shop because the "big bad chain store", Borders didn't have it. Guess they only have space to hold the new releases. I'm a fan of the government thrillers. You know the ones with government cover up and political scandal...they are usually in the fiction section of the book store but you and I know that could be moved right on up to non-fiction. Before Term Limits I read Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis which was a witty recount of a woman getting to know her estranged father while caring for her mother during a cancer crisis. Will get more into the Jill Davis novel another time as the estranged father story line struck a cord with me. Not because I was estranged from my father but I feel for those children (especially daughters) who are caught in the middle of being loyal to their mothers and being daddy's little girl. I am seeing this first hand in my reality and it is very sad...but I digress. I'll be occupied for the next two weeks reading these books then back to the big bad chain book store searching for my next fix. Say hi if you see me. I'll be the one in the paint stained sweat pants, Goldman Sachs tee and flip flops with my hair in a pony tail carrying a mocha raspberry latte :)

People On The Move

2008-03-25T17:55:00.000-04:00

Hey All,

I have very talented family and friends. Check out my sister's latest work of fiction aptly titled Seduction. Please rush out to the book store and show your support, pre-orders on Amazon.com are subject to a 5% discount.

My childhood friend Orrin aka "O" is moving strong with his modeling/acting career. Here is on a book cover, he's the cute bald one with his shirt open. Orrin also has a new Nike commercial coming to a tv screen near you. Sorry I couldn't upload the clip but it's one with an old man who schools a few young guys on the basketball court and the slogan reads "keep doing it"...

Congrats to all those making BIG MOVES!!!

Happy Birthday Mom

2008-03-17T12:32:00.000-04:00

God has blessed me and my siblings with an amazing mother who turned 65 years young on March 16th. Vivian was born to be a mom. Growing up wasn't always easy but my mother made sure we never went without. Looking back I'm not sure how she did it. She made sure we lived in a home, had food on the table, dressed well and traveled every single summer. She would go without new clothes and shoes so that her children didn't have to. She made sure to attend every parent teacher conference, play and graduation while working a full time job which paid very little. She struggled and did what she had to do for her family. Once she set her mind to do something there was no stopping her and I have inherited that trait. When I got pregnant as a teenager she did not scream or yell she simply said "it will be nice to hear the pitter patter of little feet around the house". She took care of my child so I could attend college. My mom made sure I never missed out on anything. I would not be where I am without her and I continue to strive for the best because of her. I pray every night to be a better mom and I can only hope to be half the mom she was and still is.

Love you Lots Mom!

Volunteering for Obama

2008-02-27T16:19:00.000-05:00

My friend Javi is involved in this and has made her 121st call on behalf of the Obama campaign. We should all join in on the effort.

We have passed the 1 million INDIVIDUAL donor mark... this is amazing and further testimony that we the people truly own this campaign rather than the wealthy few.

Now the goal is to make 1 million calls by Mar 4.... we are almost 1/2 way there. I have been making calls for the last week and it feels awesome to be a part of this positive campaign and to connect with people in Wisconsin, Rhode Island and now Ohio in Texas. Visit
www.barackobama.com to learn more about the campaign. Visit issues to learn more about where he stands and to read his Blueprint for Change. To start making calls, select make calls on the right hand corner and get involved!! Even a few calls here and there will make an immense difference.

YES WE CAN!!!

Much love,

Javi

NY/NJ & Tri-State Area Winter Storm

2008-02-25T18:54:00.001-05:00

Check out the view from my front door.

My first step.

Hope this is the last one for the season, sorry kids.

I Love This Poem

2008-02-22T11:39:00.000-05:00

This goes to all those struggling to realize their dreams.

As I Grew Older

It was a long time ago.
I have almost forgotten my dream.
But it was there then, In front of me, Bright like a sun--My dream.
And then the wall rose, Rose slowly, Slowly, Between me and my dream.
Rose until it touched the sky--The wall. Shadow.
I am black. I lie down in the shadow.
No longer the light of my dream before me, Above me.
Only the thick wall. Only the shadow. My hands! My dark hands!
Break through the wall! Find my dream! Help me to shatter this darkness, To smash this night, To break this shadowInto a thousand lights of sun, Into a thousand whirling dreamsOf sun!

Langston Hughes

Warm Weather Baby

2008-02-20T14:11:00.000-05:00

I’m a warm weather baby. Let me be specific, I’m a Caribbean warm weather baby. I often sit and fantasize about lying on a tropical beach with my eyes closed listening to the waves crash against the surf and the sound of seagulls flying over head, waiting to swoop down on their next meal. I yearn for long, sun filled days and warm breezy nights with a hint of salt water in the air. Even as a child I recall dreading winter and the early retreat of the sun. The thought of having to slosh through the dirty snow on my way to school, when it really snowed, was depressing to me. Spring brought with it my birthday and a welcome reprieve from good ole’ Jack Frost, at least it did when I was young, however these days it is not that odd to see snow in May. Today while walking to work I nearly began to cry because the harsh wind helped the 25 degree chill make its way up my long parka. I hate the thought of having to dress in layers making this girl’s plus size frame that much more uncomfortable in my business casual attire….thank God for wide legged pants. The only thing that prevented me from turning on my heels and retreating back to the warmth of my bed was the knowledge that having this job makes it possible for my frequent escapes to the Caribbean.

I love to travel and most of the women in my family do as well. I often joke with my sister about her fascination with flip flops. I keep reminding her that she lives here, in NY where you can maybe get away with flip flops two months out of the year. I think the need to travel and get away is in our blood. I remember taking my Mother and Grandmother to Costco one day and watch my Grandmother stand in the middle of the parking lot and stare, almost in awe, at a plane taking off from JFK. It’s like she was trying to beam herself into the cabin no matter the destination. At the time I thought it was very strange but now I find myself doing the same thing. I’ll see a plane take off, automatically check the time and see if I can guess where that flight is headed. Of course this is completely ridiculous however I still play out the scenario in my mind. My husband will instinctively know what I’m doing and say every time “hon, where’s that one headed”?

I get very grumpy if I don’t go somewhere, anywhere at least every 4 to 6 months. Perhaps that’s the reason the weather was almost unbearable for me today, I need my fix. "Hi, my name is Misty and it’s been 6 months since my last vacation".

Maybe I can sneak away for a long weekend next month, will keep you posted.

What's in a name?

2008-02-18T22:35:00.000-05:00

My name, Misty, something I used to despise as a child. I would sit and wonder why my parents would give me such a strange name. Growing up in Brooklyn I was surrounded by eishas, nitas and 'antes. Every time I introduced myself to a peer I would get the same response "that's not your real name, just say you don't want to be my friend". I'd have to do everything short of showing them my birth certificate to get them to believe that was my real name. Then there was the older crowd who whenever I told them my name would say "oh like the movie Play Misty For Me or the song Misty Blue", yes just like that I'd respond. So one day I asked my mother why she named me Misty. She told me that when I was born my father wanted to name me Miss so everyone, okay well just white people, would have to greet me with respect and always refer to me as Miss McFadden. Well my mom thought that was silly so they compromised, removed an "s", added a "ty" and so Misty became my name.

Today I am proud of my name. While I know there are thousands of other women out there named Misty I still feel it is unique to me. It wasn't chosen from a baby book and it wasn't passed down the family tree. My name derived from my father's original hope for me to always be respected. My name has also broken down barriers that I'm sure the eishas and 'antes have had to battle. No one expects to see a sista walk into an interview room with the name Misty McFadden. I now embrace my name, I see it as my first line of defense. Yeah I'm a black girl from Brooklyn, born and bred, but those head hunters and Managing Directors don't know that staring at my name on a piece of paper.

Since getting married I've been asked numerous times why I haven't changed my name...would that make me any more or less a Mrs? My husband fell in love with Misty McFadden so I think I'll keep the name my parents gave me...the name I've made my own.